Weirder Than Fiction
by emoTWiLiGHT
Summary: Just some silly stories of life in Forks. REVIEW please!
1. Attack of the Laugh

**I don't own Twilight, I don't own Apple (although I do own an iPod) and I don't own Ice Ice Baby... except I have the song on my iPod but that's about it.**

**Oh, and I don't own the movie Stranger Than Fiction, but that's where I got my idea for the title!**

**Weirder Than Fiction**

**Chapter One**

**Bella's POV**

As much as I hated it when Edward spent money on me, I loved my new iPod!

My CD player had broken, a natural consequence of my clumsiness, and Edward surprised me with something better than a CD player. An iPod!

Of course, Alice demanded him to buy a pink one.

I can just picture Edward in line at the store with a pink iPod. Ha ha.

He got me one of the older ones, the iPod nano Second Generation, 'cause the new iPod nano Video is ugly.

I've already loaded several songs in my iPod, and Edward isn't sure that 4 gigabytes is enough, but I assured him he didn't need to buy me another one.

I loved listening to music all day long. When he wasn't with me, anyway.

I'd even uploaded the CD he made for me, and I listened to his lullaby when he went off hunting.

I had this very weird habit of making every song relate to my life somehow. Even if it was just one line in the lyrics.

Well, today, I needed some upbeat music to listen to while I cleaned the house. When "Ice Ice Baby" came on, my fingers snapped along with the beat and I could just picture it:

Karaoke Night At The Cullen Household.

Emmett singing "Ice Ice Baby"

He'd jut and bobble his head to the tune.

The picture in my mind was so vivid, I had to put the mop down and laugh. I have no idea how long I was laughing for, but I was still giggling when I heard Edward's voice.

"Bella? Are you ok?"

I was sprawled across the floor, clutching my stomach, iPod out of my case and only one earbud in. And I was still laughing.

Laughing so hard I could barely breathe, much less talk. So I just handed him an earbud and let him listen to my new favorite song.

He still looked at me curiously with a hint of concern. I was laughing so hard, he probably thought I was gonna like die or something.

"Can't you just picture Emmett singing that and dancing?" I imitated my mind's version of Emmett's head bobbing.

Pretty soon, Edward was laughing along with me.

We stopped eventually when Charlie came home to find us on the floor, giggling like kindergarten girls.

Yeah.

Edward decided not to let me have any ice cream for a week.

**Did you like it?**

**That's my iPod that I described above! I got it last year for my birthday! Thanks mom!**

**lol. I was actually rereading New Moon and listening to my iPod on shuffle when Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice came on and I could so picture Emmett head bobbing. So I had to wrie this. I was already considering doing little short and funny stories for Twilight. So here it is.**

**REVIEW**


	2. Not A Chapter?

**Hey, this isn't really a chapter. It's a thank you!**

**I got awesome reviews!**

**And people added my story in their favorites, and added me in their favorites!**

**Wow, I feel so loved!!!**

**So, thanks to the reviews from THEKOOKS, stare at string, FreakyTwilightLoverO.O, and thefuturemrs.edwardcullen!!!**

**It means a lot to me!**

**lol. Even only three reviews, but the fact that FreakyTwilightLoverO.O and thefuturemrs.edwardcullen added my story to their favorites is awesome!**

**And thanks to FreakyTwilightLoverO.O for adding me to your favorite authors list!**

**I really feel special!**

**lol.**

**And now, I shall start to write a new chapter for you all cause I love you!**

**Thanks so much for reading, and don't forget to review! **


	3. Causing Edward's Everlasting Headache

**Yay! Another chapter! Because I love that you all love me so much!**

**Remember, I own nothing! Except my own warped mind!!! **

I was in the kitchen making dinner for Charlie, amusing myself with a new song when Edward walked in.

"Hey, Bella. How are you doing?"

"Not a llama."

He looked confused.

"Llama? Bella, I didn't say you were a llama."

"Half a llama."

"Bella, I don't understand."

"Half a llama, twice a llama, not a llama, LLAMA LLAMA DUCK!" I screamed at him before bursting into giggles.

"Ooo-kaaayy," Edward said cautiously. Ha, he was probably thinking about taking me to the insane asylum. The loony bin.

"To the loony bin! Off we go! To the loony bin! What a show! Oh! Oh! Ohhh!!!!" I randomly made up a tune.

"Bella? Love, did you drink another Red Bull?"

"Bwa-hahahaha! Drink a red bull! Edward, that's a good one! I'm not a vampire yet. And anyway, everyone knows that bulls are brown! Haha! Like bullcrap... Ew! Toilet inners! No! Save me!"

For some reason, I just couldn't stop making up weird things. It's like my brain stopped functioning properly. I was just as hyper as Alice. Maybe more.

"My sister! Not from wonderland! She's not trapped in wonderland! The hyper pixie! She is brighter! Yeaa!"

My thoughts kept coming out of my mouth.

"Bella? You're scaring me."

Scaring Edward?

"Scaring Edward? I'm scaring Edward? Little old human me? Aw, big scary vampire is scared of a wittle human. Whatcha gonna do, suck my bloooooooood?!" My voice ranged from confusion, to baby talk, to dragging out the 'o' of 'blood' while my eyes widened, trying to look creepy.

I sighed.

"Unharmable vampire. Scared of a human. Poor Edward." I grabbed a confused Edward's hand and dragged him into the living room, pushing him on the couch. When I tried to kiss him to appease his fear, he leaped of the sofa. Obviously my seductiveness didn't work.

Edward walked to the kitchen where I was a minute ago. He spied the cup on the table, the sugar bag from the pantry, and the half-full coffee pot.

"Bella." His voice was simple, yet disappointed and reprimanding.

Before I could catch him, he grabbed the coffee pot, pouring the contents down the drain.

I didn't even have time to protest.

He spun around to face me.

"Bella, please tell me I don't have to destory this. Charlie likes his morning coffee."

"NO! Edward! Don't kill Mr. Coffee!!! Please! He tastes better than Mr. Cleeeeeeeeeeeannnnnnn!!!!!!" **(A/N: Mr. Clean, a brand of cleaning solution. Yeah. Don't drink it. And don't drink a cup of Cheer either.)**

At this point, my apparent caffeine and sugar high had worn off and I was on the floor, clutching his leg in desperaration to save my beloved brown drink.

He set the pot down, rolled his eyes, and lifted me off the floor.

"Promise me not to go overboard again," he looked me in the eyes.

"I promise." He started to set me down, seeing that I had regained control.

"But," I said.

He peered at me suspiciously.

"But, you have to let me sing the llama song."

"The llama song?" He asked weakly.

"Ohhh!!! Half a llama! Twice a llama! Not a llama! Llama llama duck! I was once a treehouse, I lived in a cake, I ...da da da da... the orange slayed the rake!..."

Charlie came home and I had to stop singing and resume making his dinner. But that didn't mean I wasn't going to torture Edward tonight. Oh, no. Just wait until he heard "It's A Small World."

He shall regret that iPod yet.

**lol!**

**I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did! I was typing responses to my reviews when the llama song got in my head... so I decided to make a chapter about it. But it veered off course very randomly. I didn't even have sugar recently... But some people seem to know that I'm hyper like that. Like Alice. A hyper pixie. Yay!**

**Hope you get the inside joke in there, obsessed! lol. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Author's Note

**Hey!**

**I'm so sorry I haven't been updating!**

**I've been really busy. I didn't even have time to wrote you this note. lol.**

**On top of that, ideas for this story aren't coming to me. It's not one of my best stories, so my creativity for it is dry. [**

**My head keeps coming up with a bunch of ideas for new stories, but I don't have time to write them all!**

**I so wish I did. **

**Once again, I say sorry.**

**I hope I'll have an update for you all soon, but I just don't know. Sorry!!!!**

**emoTWiLiGHT**


	5. Baby Napping

**This is short and kinda stupid. Just an idea that burst into my mind... with a little help from a Punk Rocker... **

**I own nothing, not even Twilight.**

**REVIEW!!!**

Edward and I were upstairs in his room, kissing and talking as usual, when he shushed me.

I waited as he apparently seemed to be listening to something.

I saw his mouth twist into a smile and his eyes glistened with amusement.

Finally, he couldn't keep it in any longer. He burst out laughing.

"Edward! What's so funny?"

Edward grabbed my hand and carried me downstairs.

We entered the living room quietly. He put his finger to his lips and pointed to the kitchen. That's when I heard the voices... and... crying?

"What?! What on earth could possibly make you think that was okay to do?!"

"Carlisle, I'm sorry, I--"

"No! It's inexcusable! Do you realize I could get fired for this?!?"

"I'm sorry."

"You have to put it back!"

"Carlisle, you don't know how much I've longed for a baby of my own!"

"So Edward and Emmett and Jasper and Bella and Rosalie and Alice mean nothing to you?"

"No of course not! I love them. But they're grown up. I wanted a _baby_."

"So did I, but it doesn't mean you can just steal one from the infant's unit at the hospital where I _work!"_

Edward pulled me behind the sofa as Carlisle and Esme entered the living room.

Esme was carrying a baby in her hands. That's what the crying was. And that's what they were talking aout.

I glanced at Edward. He was having trouble not laughing.

"Honey, I'm not mad at you. But you really do need to let me take the baby back to the hospital. Think of its mother. She probably wants a baby just as bad as you. And it is her baby after all."

She sighed.

"Alright. I guess you can take her back."

Esme and Carlisle left the room.

Edward took me back to his room and started laughing again.

"Edward! It's not funny."

"Bella, she took a baby from the hospital!"

"Because she wants a baby."

"She stole a kid! How can you not see how hilarious it is?"

"She could have gotten Carlisle fired! Would it have been funny then?"

"Please. They wouldn't fire him. All the females working there are too much in love with him."

I sighed.

"Consequences aside, it is pretty funny. Nice little Esme, stealing a baby? Who woulda thunk?"

Edward laughed with me and played with my hair.

Esme came into the room suddenly.

"Tell anyone about this, and--"

"Relax, Mom. I won't tell anyone."

"Not even your brothers and sisters."

"Not even."

"Bella, you won't tell will you?"

"Nope."

She left, and Edward and I resumed talking.


	6. I Scream, U Scream! I Laugh, U Laugh!

**Haha! I thought this was funny. It took me longer to write than I thought it would. Oh well. Thanks again to a Punk Rocker who gave me this idea. And the last one [chapter 5 and another one in my head that may be chapter 7...**

**I own nothing!**

**Except all candy! Haha, you must GIVE ME YOUR SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Whoa. That sounded wrong.**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

"Edward?"

"Good morning, Bella."

His face filled my vision. I struggled to breathe.

I looked around the room. It was Edward's room.

"Edward?"

"You fell asleep. Don't worry, I had Alice call Charlie. She said that you two were having a sleepover. The story is, you two were having a movie marathon and you fell asleep watching The Notebook."

"Thanks."

His cool hand slipped around my waist and he held me closer.

Just then, strange scents wafted up my nose. Chocolate?

"Edward?"

"Bellaaaaa!" Alice burst into the room and flounced onto the bed.

"Bella! You're awake! I knew it! Guess what? I made you breakfast! 'Cause I knw you would wake up and be hungry! So I cooked breakfast! I don't know what you like so I made a lot! I hope you have a big appetite! Come on, Bella! Food's downstairs!"

She grabbed my hand and proceeded to drag me down the steps. When I saw the buffet of food on the kitchen table, I gasped.

Alice had made blueberry waffles, blueberry pancakes, blueberry muffins, chocolate chip waffles, chocolate chips pancakes, chocolate chip muffins, cheese danishes, rasberry danishes, blueberry danishes, toast, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, bacon, Canadian bacon, and sausage. Not to mention the varieties of PopTarts and cereal.

"Alice, what... What is all of this?"

"Oh! I almost forgot!" She went to the fridge and pulled out milk, orange juice, and syrup.

"Eat whatver you want, Bella! We'll save the rest for later if you can't eat it all!"

I sat down and ate.

First I had chocolate PopTarts, then I had chocolate chip waffles. I poured chocolate syrup on them. For protein, I had eggs. Dipped in syrup.I tried to drink some orange juice, but all the chocolate made it seem sour. So I made chocolate milk instead. Her blueberry muffins were great. I was shocked at Alice's cooking talent. Since vampires don't eat human food, it was surprsing that she knew how to cook.

The food quickly filled up my stomach and Alice wrapped up the rest to put in the fridge for later.

Right. Like I was ever going to be hungry again.

Edward smiled at me, happy that I wasn't upset at Alice for going all out for me.

Since the story was that I had fallen asleep watching The Notebook, Alice said it would make sense if I rewatched it in the morning. Edward agreed. So they pulled out the movie. Although I doubted Charlie would even ask, but whatever.

It really was a nice story. When Allie smeared Noah with ice cream and kissed it off of him, I couldn't help but think about doing that to Edward.

When I voiced this thought, Alice giggled.

"I knew you would think that."

The gleam in her eye told me that she was up to something.

Right on cue, Jasper came in thw front door with cartons of ice cream.

"Alice, they didn't have regular vanilla," he complained.

"It's okay. I think Bella is more of a chocolate fan anyway!"

Jasper set the ice cream down on the coffee table in front of me and sat down next to Alice.

Despite my big breakfast, I couldn't ignore ice cream.

I found my favorite flavor, chocolate chip, and dug in.

When the carton was finished, my hunger for chocolate had not worn off, so I grabbed the plain chocolate ice cream too.

Before I knew it, half of the ice cream cartons were gone and the movie was over.

Somewhere along the line, Alice and Edward had exchanged glances and went off somewhere. Probably to make me some more food I didn't want. Or whatever. I could care less.

I looked at Jasper, who was sitting on the couch next to me.

"Hi, Jasper," I said girlishly.

His eyes turned to me warily.

"Uh, hi Bella."

I laughed ans scooted closer slightly.

"What, I can't say hi to you?"

"You can. You did."

"You didn't want me to."

"How do you know? Are you an empath or something?"

"No, Jasper. But you are. You're also a vampire." I giggled. "Like Edward."

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I was trying not to talk. But the sugar had taken me over.

"Edward is my fiancee, you know. We're gonna get married. And then I'll be a vampire. Me and Eddie. Not Edy... Like the ice cream. Ooh, cotton candy..."

Jasper's eyes brightened. Oops. I think my sugar high was getting to him too.

"Pretty pink. Pretty blue. So many colors. What do I do?"

I laughed.

"Jasper! You're making a rhyme. Like a song. With music. And guitars."

"A song about cotton candy," he mused. "And I can't even eat candy."

He started laughing.

"A world without candy?!" I gasped. "Kill me please!"

"Yah, wit my ven-oooooooh-mmm."

I snorted. Breathing was becoming difficult with all the laughing I was doing.

Jasper's eyes widened as he pointed at me.

"You snorted! Like a pig! Oink oink!"

"Hey, at least I didn't snort Coke."

"Yeah 'cause the bubbles would get up your nose," he said at the same time as I was, except I said 'my' not 'your'.

The stereo sound of the words being said sent me into peals of laughter.

I felt Jasper's giggles shake his body alongside me.

An evil idea entered my mind and I reacted before I could stop myself.

"Bella! Don't tickle me! Stop it!"

"No!" I laughed and continued to tickle him.

I squealed as he tickled me back.

"Yes!"

We stopped at the same time, which sent us both into roaring laughter. I fell off the couch, gasping for air, making squeaking sounds as oxygen escaped my lungs at the same time as I was trying to draw the oxygen in.

Jasper laughed harder too.

"Bella? Why are we laughing so hard?"

"I don't know!"

Wrong thing to say. It made us laugh louder.

As I rolled on the floor laughing and trying to breathe, my hand hit something wet and cold and slimy.

"Jasper! The ice cream is melting!"

He glanced at the cold substancd covering my hand and burst into even more laughter, now doing the same squealing thing I had done earlier.

I was vaguely aware of the presence of other people.

"Jasper, I think we have company."

"They live here!"

Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I was laughing so hard.

I felt cold on my sides and I thought it was ice cream, but it was Edward.

I screamed.

"Don't tickle me please!"

"I'm not. I'm putting you on the couch."

"But I'm all ice cream-y. I fell into ice cream. It was like an ice cream pool."

I heard Jasper shriek with laughter.

"An ice cream pool! Alice! Can we have an ice cream pool?"

Jasper's voice was distorted from the laughter that was escaping his lips along with the words, but I knew Alice could understand.

"Edward! I think we should have an ice cream pool too. Upstairs in your room. No, wait! An ice cream hot tub! Get it?"

I nudged Jasper in the ribs and we snorted out more laughter, pausing only to squeal and breathe.

My hands found Edward's face and I poked him.

"Get it, Edward? An ice cream hot tub? Cause it would melt!"

"I get it, love. It's not that funny."

"Your face is funny!" I laughed at Jasper's comment.

"So's your face!" I retorted.

"Your mom!"

"Renee!"

"Esme!"

"Edward's mom!" Although that made no sense, I had to say it.

Alice and Edward exchanged looks.

"Bella, honey, I think you'e on a sugar high."

"High?!" I shrieked happily.

"No, no!" Jasper turne Edward's face away from mine and corrected him.

"She's not high. No Coke snort here. Bubbles!"

"My bubbles!"

Jasper and I laughed harder at our inside joke.

Trying to regain control of my laughing, I looked up. And saw Emmett. With a video camera.

"Hi Mom! Hi Dad! I'm high!" Even though I meant sugar high, the connotation made me laugh again.

"Emmett! How long have you been there?"

"The whole time, Jasper. The whole time." I could tell Emmett was trying not to laugh. At us? Oh well.

More air escaped my lungs as I laughed, but as I felt Edward's strong arms carry me, I felt calmer.

Calm?

Why wasn't Jasper calming me down?! I thought he was supposed to be the emotion-controller in this family!!

Oh.

That's why.

He felt my emotions.

Now I know why Emmett had that video camera.

Jasper and I were sugar high. But I was the only one who had sugar.

I felt a blush coming to my cheeks as I thought of what I looked like on that video.

I heard Jasper's voice downstairs.

"What? What happened? ... Emmett! You better not show that tape to anybody!"

I giggled quietly.

"Are you calm now, Bella?"

Edward's fingers carressed my cheek.

"Don't let Alice cook me any meal ever again."

"No problem."

He kissed my gently.

Well, it's a ood thing Jasper and I never sang a song, since Emmett had that camera. Or did we?


	7. Sympathy for the Empath

**Yay! Here's another one... yet again thanks to a Punk Rocker.. **

**Wow. My last 3 chapters came from her ideas... Well they're good chapters in my opinion anyway.**

**lol.**

**I've noticed these last 3 are different than my first 2 [I'm not counting my notes ... oh well...**

**I own nothing.**

**REVIEW!**

I stomped my way up to the Cullens' front door. I slammed it behind me. Alice, Jasper, and Edward were sitting on the couch. They all jumped.

"Oh what, like you couldn't hear me coming!"

They eyed me curiously and I remembered why I came.

"Edward! What did you do with it! Where did you put it!" I practically screamed at him, inches away from his face.

He sighed in confusion. Oh no, I was not going to let the sweet scent of his breath mess with my head this time.

"Put what?"

"Don't act like you don't know! The CD, Edward! The CD! Where did you put it!"

"What CD? What do you mean where did I put it?"

"The CD you made for me, Edward! Gosh! What CD would I be talking about! I searched all over my room last night so I could listen to my lullaby since you weren't there to hum it to me!" I put accusation behind my tone when I said 'you.'

"What--? I was out hunting."

"Excuses!" I yelled. 

I glanced at Alice and Jasper. Alice looked confused and Jasper look just as miffed as I was.

"Bella, love, did you check your CD player?"

"Don't you use that condescending tone with me!"

Edward looked shocked.

"I'm sorry, Bells, I didn't mean--"

"No. I'm sorry. You're right. It's probably in my CD player. I shouldn't have yelled. Gosh, I am so frickin' horrible! How can you stand to be near me?" I staggered forward into his chest with a sob.

He pulled his arms around me and let me blubber my way back to a clear head.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I love you." I kissed him.

"But, seriously! How about leaving a note next time? How was I supposed to know where the CD was!" I scoffed and let go of him.

"Ergh," I said forcefully and plopped down on the couch next to Jasper. Alice was on his left side, still looking bewildered at me.

"What?" I demanded.

She averted her eyes to Jasper. Hmm. He still looked angry.

I wonder why?

As I wondered, a brief flash of confusion crossed his face, but it was quickly covered up by more bitter anger when Edward sat down next to me.

"Bella?"

I turned to face Edward, still bitterly angry with him. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't know where your own CD was."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes and leaned against the back of the couch.

Beside me, Jasper folded his arms.

All of the sudden, I felt so sorry for blaming Edward like this.

I threw my arms over his shoulders awkwardly, seeing as we were sitting down on a couch next to each other, and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me," I whispered to his lips before kissing them.

"It's alright, Bella."

I sighed and contemplated how quickly my moods had changed over the last four minutes. Had Jasper been messing with my emotions again?

Hmm. No. His emotions seemed to mirror mine.

I wonder...

I counted off the days in my head.

Oh. That was it.

PMS.

Oopsie.

Poor Jasper, being the empath that he is, probably had no idea what was hitting him.

He probably sensed my sympathy then, and sent waves of calm. Probably as a way of saying don't worry about it.

Sigh. Oh the confusion of life with vampires.

**Hehe, did you like?**

**I was wondering if I should try again in Jasper's POV? Probably not.**

**REVIEW!**


	8. Emotions of an Empath

**Well, Obsessed.with.writing said I should do it in Jasper's POV so I tried!**

**It's shorter. But that's because Jasper is too wrapped up in the emotions and trying to control them, that he doesn't hear most of the 'fight.'**

**lol**

**Hope you like!**

**REVIEW**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Jasper's POV**

Alice, Edward, and I were sitting on the couch watching Tv mindlessly when the front door slammed open. I jumped.

"Oh, what, like you couldn't hear me coming!"

A rage of anger hit me like a frickin' ton of bricks.

Bella stormed into the room and grabbed Edward.

"Edward! What did you do with it! Where did you put it!" she screamed, but I could barely hear her, the range of anger was so high. I tried to calm her down, but I couldn't even calm myself down. Her emotions were wildly out of control.

Suddenly, the anger subsided and I felt remorse. Remorse mixed with sadness and love with just a hint of leftover annoyance.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I love you." Ew! She kissed him.

The leftover annoyance grew.

"But, seriously! How about leaving a note next time? How was I supposed to know where the CD was!" she scoffed, let go of Edward and plopped down on the couch next to me with a forceful "Ergh."

Alice eyed her bewilderedly. 

"What?" She demanded and Alice looked at me.

I tried again to calm her down, but I could not do it.

I saw her looking at me and I felt confused for a moment, but it was replaced with bitter anger when Edward sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't know where your own CD was."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and leaned against the couch.

I folded my arms.

All the bitterness, annoyance, and anger left me and I felt sorry again. And love.

"Sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me," Bella said and kissed Edward.

"It's alright, Bella."

She sighed contentedly, and I could feel her running through all the moods she just swung through.

Realization hit me like a freight truck. I wasn't sure if it was mine or Bella's, but I knew.

I had just experienced my first PMS attack.

Ugh. The difficulty of living with humans.

**Probably about an hour ago, I suffered a laugh attack much like the one in chapter 6. I laughed for no apparent reason. Except that I'd had sugar a few hours before.**

**Yay me! gimme more! More sugar!**

**REVIEW!**


	9. Songs Without Meaning

**Very weird update. Just had part of the first song in my head and I don't know why. First song is "Weird" by Hilary Duff. Second song is "Sadie Hawkins Dance" by Relient K. Third song is "Mood Rings" by Relient K.**

**And I totally messed up the meaning of this fic! The chapters were supposed to be random and unrelated! Chapters 6-9 kind of tie-in... Ergh.**

**REVIEW anyway!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**I didn't earlier today when I made chapter 5-8... what makes you think I do now?**

I was upstairs in my room, listening to my iPod and doing my homework when Edward came in.

"Edward!" I sang out.

"What?" He asked weakly. Somehow, he knew a song was coming.

"Dont'cha think it's weird?"

"What's weird?" He sat down on my bed.

"Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh OOOH. Weirder than weird! Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh OOH. That's what you are! That's what you wanna be! What I like about you is what you like about me! Dont'cha think it's weird!"

Edward's nosw wrinkled as he recognized the song.

"Why are you listening to that? You don't like pop."

"It's on shuffle. I can't help it."

"Oh, yes you can." He reached over and hit the skip button.

"Hey! Edward, why did you do that! I-- hey! I love this song!"

He rolled his eyes and watched me as I mouthed the words and cuntinued with my homework.

"...There's nothing better. OH OH OH! The girls ask the guys! It's alwys a surprise! There's nothing better baby do you like my sweater? The Sadie Hawkins Dance, in my khaki pants. There's nothing better. OH OH OH! The girls ask the guys! It's always a surprise! There's nothing better baby do you like my sweater?"

"The answer is six."

I slipped out of my music trance and looked at Edward.

"Huh!"

"The answer is six, he repeated.

"Baby, do you like my sweater? The answer is six? What the frick?"

"No." He pointed to my calculus work.

"The answer is six. Not four."

"We hate four!"

I erased the four and put a six as the song switched.

"You know what song I like for you?"

"What?"

Edward grinned.

" 'Mood Rings' by Relient K."

He grabbed my iPod and turned that song on.

That was unneccessary, of course. It was one of my favorite songs. I knew all the words.

"Remember that time at my house? When you couldn't find your CD?" He smirked.

"Oh shut up!" I slapped his arm playfully.

"Jasper did forgive me for that, right?"

He stuck out his tongue.

"Very mature, Edward," I murmured as I lost my train of thought, listening to the song coming out of my earphones.

_We all know the girls that I am talking about. _

_Well they are time bombs and they are ticking _

_And the only questions when...they'll blow up! _

_And they'll blow up, we know that without a doubt. _

_Cause they're those girls, yeah, you know those girls _

_That let their emotions get the best of them. _

_GO! _

_And I've contrived some sort of a plan _

_To help my fellow man... _

_Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings _

_So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off _

_Cause we'll know just what they're thinking, _

_Just what they're thinking... _

_She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way _

_Her moods are swinging on the swingset almost everyday _

_She said to me that she's so happy it's depressing _

_And all I said was "Someone get that girl a mood ring!" _

_If it's drama you want, then look no further _

_They're like the Real World meets Boy Meets World _

_meets Days of Our Lives. _

_And it just kills me how they get away with murder _

_They'll anger you then bat their eyes _

_Those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize _

_GO! _

_And I've contrived some sort of a plan _

_To help my fellow man... _

_Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings _

_So we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off _

_Cause we'll know just what they're thinking, _

_Just what they're thinking... _

_She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way _

_Her moods are swinging on the swingset almost everyday _

_She said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing _

_And all I said was "Someone get that girl a mood ring!" _

_Cause when it's black means "watch your back" because you're probably _

_The last person in the world right now she wants to see _

_And when it's blue it means you should call her up immediatly _

_and ask her out because she'll most likely agree _

_And when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed _

_And when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless _

_And that's alright I must confess _

_We all know the girls that I am talking about _

_She likes you Wednesday, but now it's Friday _

_And she has to wash her hair _

_And it just figures that we'll never figure them out _

_Well, first she's Jekyll and then she's Hyde... _

_at least she makes a lovely pair. _

_Mood Ring, oh Mood Ring, _

_oh tell me will you bring the key _

_to unlock this mystery? _

_Of girls and their emotions _

_Play it back in slow motion _

_So I may understand _

_The complex infrastucture known as the female mind._

The song ended and I realized I still had a couple of hours left of homework. Edward had left. He needed to do something with his family. Probably hunt.

Sigh. Homework was so tiring.

Hmm... Edward wasn't here...

I snuck down to the fridge and pulled out my hidden stash of Fruit Gushers and Mountain Dew.

Hehe.

**Yay!**

**I like the ending! Fruit Gushers are increible after being fridgerated! or frozen! and Mountain Dew cannot be banned... lol. inside joke with a friend... sort of... but she doesn't read these... to my knowledge. lol**

**REVIEW PLEASE! love you!**


	10. The Sugar Addicts' Insane Asylum

**HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!**

**Wow. This is a great chapter. lol. Sorry if it's confusing. Too much speaking, not enough descriptions.**

**If you want, I can explain a lot of the stuf in this chapter! Just ask!**

**Claimer: Actually, I do own Twilight. Yeah. Like a couple of days ago, I ran into Stephenie Meyer at Walmart and told her how much I loved Twilight and showed her my fics, and she thought I was a good writer, so after Breaking Dawn comes out, I'll be continuin the series. Yeah, she sold me the rights! She said that she was bored with it anyway, and my birthday is coming up, so yeah! Yay me!**

**Disclaimer: That was sarcasm. I don't own Twilight and you should know it by now, idiot! Gosh!**

As I raced to the Cullens' front door, I found myself laughing. 

I burst into Edward's room.

"EDWARD GUESS WHAT!?"

"What?"

"I'M ON A SUGAR HIGH!!"

"Again?" He rolled his eyes.

"Well duh! What did you expect?! IT'S EASTER!!"

"Okay." Wow. He is really dull. Just sitting there on the bed. Whatever.

"Hey! It's your fault for getting me all that candy! It's your fault I'm on a sugar high! I'm high! On sugar! But not drugs! Well I'm kind of addicted to sugar! But not as much as I'm addicted to you! Hey I love that song!! 'It's like I can't breeeeeeathe without you inside of me... da da da... da da da... You're taking over me, it's like I'm not meeeeeeee... IT'S LIKE I'M NOT ME!! ... It's like I'm lost. It's like I'm giving up slowly. It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me LEAVE ME ALONE and I KNOW these voices in my head are mine alone and I KNOW I'll never change my ways if I don't GIVE YOU UP NOW! It's like I can't breeeeeeeeathe! It's like I can't see anything! In my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over me! It's like I'm not meeeeee, it's like I'm not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' Hey, Edward, you know what? I always kinda thought that song went with us a little bit.You know, 'cause you're my brand of heroin. And plus also, I don't know all the words really, but some lyrics go like: 'It's like you're a leech, sucking the life from me' which I find to be so funny 'cause like, Jacob calls you a leech all the time. Or a bloodsucker or a parasite. Which is actually kinda rude if you think about it. But hey, he's nothing but a dog. Sorry. I didn't mean to mention Jacob. I'm just like, soooo... Yeah! You know?"

I cocked my head and blinked.

Edward blinked back with a look of shock on his face.

"Uh, no... I don't know."

"OH! Scotty doesn't know! Haha. Oh! Oh! Oh! I know! You know! That I'm not telling the truth. I know! You know! They just don't have any proof. Embrace the deception, learn how to bend. Your worst inhibitions tend to PSYCH you out in the end! I know! You know! I know! You know! Scotty doesn't know! ... Scotty KNOWS he doesn't know! A-hahahahahahahaha...ee"

"Bella? I think you need some help."

"Help? Like what? I'm not mentally insane... Or maybe you meant: 'HELP! I need somebody! HELP! Not just anybody! HELP! You know I need someone, HEEEELLPPP!!' ?! Is that what you meant, Edward?! Huh, huh, huh? Is it? 'Cause that's all I know from that song. Like, I don't really listen to the Beatles or the Beach Boys or whatever it is. Like I wasn't born in the 80s, hellloooo! Ooh! 'Do do do do do do do do do do do do do... so it was Jeremy in 1983 in his Ocean Pacific tee, who got a bloody knee. On his skateboard, in the half pipe, in the backyard that Tuesday night. And I'm only gonna pierce my left ear! And I've been working on this moustache all summer long! And my favorite band will always be Tears For Fears! And I'm gonna wear a pink tux to the prom!' I'm in love with the 80s!"

Whoa, was that? Like 20 songs in 3 minutes? Brain overload. Ah... Need... More... SUGAR!!

My sugar high wore off just as quickly as it started and I felt myself collapsing on Edward's floor, but I guess he caught me 'cause all the sudden, I was on his bed.

I giggled on last time before I slipped into black... Oh. A song. Falling inside, falling inside, the black! Black! Yay... Rock on!

Rock that lime mustard yellow.

"Goodbye, Edward."

I fell asleep.

**Yay for random, rambling, sugar high! Yum!**

**Songs:**

**Addicted to You by Kelly Clarkson... I always thought some lyrics related to BxE but never wanted to write a songfic about it.**

**I Know You Know by Friendly Indians, the PSYCH theme song!!**

**uhhh... "help" by the Beach Boys or the Beatles I guess.. lol. idk. it was in Cheaper By The Dozen, and it's just always stuck with me. Ergh.**

**In Love With The 80s (Pink Tux To The Prom) by RELIENT K!!**

**Falling Inside The Black by Skillet... but that was just one line. lol. my head works like that though. I'll say something and it will remind me of a song.**

**Yay!**

**SO REVIEW, YOU STINKING MARSHMALLOW!**

**o.0**

**Oh, I get it now!**

**Peeps!**

**Sorry, Ashleigh! :( lol**


	11. How To Clear A Room

**Hey. I got this idea for a new chapter last night... Oh and just so you know, I'm changing the format! From now on, 'll probably use,**

**Bella: Yay! -claps hands- **

**format instead of my normal one,**

**"Yay!" Bella said as she clapped her hands.**

**lol. Cause it's easier to write. so anyway. That's how it's gonna go!**

**and I've been trying to stay in charcater, with the exception of putting Bella on a sugar high all the time. lol so forget that. OOC!!**

**Yay me... I don't own Twilight. REVIEW**

**Weirder Than Fiction**

**Chapter... lol idk! Sorry.**

Bella: -screams- EDWARD! GUESS WHAT!

Edward: -screams back- WHAT!

Bella: I've decided I wanna be hot and sexy like you!

Edward: -blinks-

Bella: From now on, I'm going to talk in a British accent. Cause English people are hot like that.

Edward: -rolls eyes- -quietly- Oh, bloody 'ell.

Bella: -confused- Bloody ell?

Edward: -didn't realize Bella heard him- Ah, yes. Bloody 'ell. It's a British phrase.

Bella: -confused- Well okay, then! BLOODY L!! BLOODY L!! OMG I THINK SOMEONE KILLED THE L!!

Edward: -shakes head-

Bella: WHAT?! You told me the L was bloody! Someone killed the L!! That's horrible! If the L is dead, then my name would be Bea. Bea?! What the frick is that!? Edward! That is a horrible British phrase! Gosh! I hate you and your English sexiness!!

-storms off-

Edward: Gahh! She hates me! My life is overrrr!! -cries- -runs up to room-

Emmett: -entering the Cullen household- -eyes closed- Edward! Bella! We're home! Please get off the couch so I can open my eyes! Bella? Edward? -opens eyes- They're gone.

-Everyone else comes into the house-

Esme: Emmett? Where are Bella and Edward?

Emmett- I dunno. I came in and they weren't here.

-Hears sobbing upstairs-

Emmett: I wonder what on Earth they could possibly be doing up there that's making that sound...

Rosalie: -smacks Emmett- You idiot! Get your mind out of the gutter. Someone's crying. Gosh, Emmett! You're so stupid!

-storms off-

Emmett: Gah! I'm stupid! Roooooooose!! -cries- -runs to room-  
Jasper: -tear-

Alice: Jasper? Are you okay?

Jasper: WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY?! You all must hate me!! -cries- -storms out of house-

Alice: Gahhh! He thinks I hate him!! What did I do wrooooooonnnnnggg?! -cries- -runs to room-

Carlisle: -watching dumbfounded at everyone- Well, at least I have you, Esme.

Esme: What do you mean you have me? You don't care about our children?! MY KIDS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!! -storms out of room-

Carlisle: Ga! Why is everyone crying and running away?! Why doesn't Esme know they're not OUR children!? -cries- -runs to room-

Narrator: And that, my dear readers, is how the Cullen family leave a room. The end.

**lol!**

**I'm cracking myself up... The only idea I had for this was the bloody L thing, which I said. And then it just turned around and was made funny! lol.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	12. Not A Chapter, A Poll Votey Thingy Yeah

**Hello. This is not a chapter, but it is a poll votey thingy.**

**I am so sorry for not updating! No, I haven't abandoned this story! I just haven't had any good random Twilight ideas.**

**But now I have a couple of loose ideas, and I need your help! I need you all to reivew and tell me which of these ideas you want to read about, and submit to me your own ideas. Please and thank you.**

**Do you want me to write a chapter that's just some Edward and Bella fluff?**

**Do you want me to write other character fluff?**

**Do you want me to embarrass Bella in a chapter?**

**Do you want me to embarrass Edward in a chapter? **

**Emmett? Alice? Rosalie? Jasper?**

**Do you want me to make someone sing and dance and make a complete fool out of themselves?**

**Do you want me to make a 'torture Edward' chapter? **

**Or other characters?**

**Please, tell me what you would like to read about most and give me some ideas so I can actually write. I don't like not updating. Writer's block sucks. :D**

**Okay, so in your review, tell me if you like any of those ideas, and tell me any ideas you might have. Thanks!**


	13. Sobbing Sunday

**Thanks for voting, people! I got a majority of embarrassment/torture, so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I don'e own Twilight or Stargate:Atlantis. But 'Sunday' was really sad... omg I just realised- today is Sunday! haha ok so review!**

**Edward's POV**

I sat on the couch, watching television. It was Sunday, the episode of Stargate:Atlantis where Dr. Carson Beckett dies. I'd read the spoilers online, but nothing could prepare me for the sheer agony of actually watching it. Why him? He was the nicest one.

"No! Beckett, run! RUN!"

My words made no difference. The bomb blew up, leaving a trail of fire behind him before the screen cut away to a new scene. Beckett was dead.

"NOOOO!! NO! BECKETT!! How could they let him die?! He could have gotten away in time!! STUPID WRITERS! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

If I was a human, I would have been crying. Instead, I was just dry-sobbing. Why him? Why?

"No. Beckett. He. Noo. Wahh."

I was too busy sobbing to notice Bella come in through the front door, only to stop and stare at me in disbelief.

"Ummm... Edward? A-are you okay?"

I think Bella was talking to me. Wait, if Bella was here, watching me cry... Oh, that would be the worst. I'm just imagining it.

Suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Edward?"

Oh frak.

"Bella!" I jumped up, hitting the Power button on the tv.

"I... This isn't what it looks like!"

"Yes it is. Edward, were you crying over the death of a television character?" How can she look genuinely concerned and utterly amused at the same time?

"No! I... Was... Just... It... Umm..." Dang. Normally I'm so good at lying.

"You were." She dragged me to the couch and sat next to me, her beautiful brown eyes gazing into mine.

"No, I... It... Yes. I was. Okay? What's it to you?" I asked defensively.

"Nothing. It's cute."

Cute? She thought it was cute? I just severely embarrassed myself and she thought it was cute?!

"Cute? You think it was cute? I just severely embarrassed myself and you think it's cute?!" Her eyes widened at my unexpected response.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I--" She was cut off by Jasper stomping down the steps.

"Dang it, Edward! You're giving me a headache with all these emotions! Jeez. First, some pain and agony and sadness. Then fear and embarrassment. And now anger? What is wrong with you? Are you like, PMSing or something?! Jeez!"

He was standing in front of me now, tapping his foot. His arms were folded across his chest and he had an angry look on his face.

"No, I'm not PMSing. I'm a vampire, mind you. And a male one at that." Bella giggled.

Jasper seemed to suddenly acknowledge her presence.

"Maybe it was you! You're a human, a female human. Maybe I was getting all these emotions from you!" He turned his anger toward her.

"Jasper. Chill. She wasn't even here until, like, three seconds ago," I defended Bella.

"Then the emotions were from you. I understand the sadness, I guess, if you were watching 'Sunday' again," he rolled his eyes. "And embarrassment 'cause Bella caught you crying. But fear and anger? What the frak, Edward?"

"Uh..."

"Oh, he got mad 'cause I though it was cute. But fear? Are you afraid of me, Eddie?" Her voice sounded mocking, teasing. But it was beautiful. Like her face. Her face that was now turned towards me, watching my reaction.

"Don't call me Eddie," I mumbled, trying not to look at her. I know if I did, I'd start babbling and talking and explaining the whole 'fear' thing.

"Edward." She lifted my face up to meet hers, staring into my eyes.

"Fear?"

"Well, afraid that you would, you know, tease me. For crying." That sounded so much more dumb out loud.

Jasper sighed exasperatedly and returned upstairs, mumbling something about 'stupid reason' as he left.

"Edward, I would never tease you. And if I did, well, you'd deserve it. You laugh and say I'm cute when I embarrass myself."

It was true.

"Well, yeah. But you _are_ cute when you embarrass yourself. And you're a human, you should be subject to embarrassment. Not me."

"Silly Edward."

Yes, silly Edward. Stupid, silly, embarrassed Edward. But it was Beckett! He didn't deserve to die! He was always putting others ahead of him! Why?! Why why why! Stupid writers. I hate them. I'm gonna go find them and kill them. Slowly and painfully. That'll show them.

"Edward!" Bella's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"I know I told you I'd never scream and run, but I might have to reconsider that. He's just a character."

"What? What'd I do?" I was seriously confused.

" 'Stupid writers. I hate them. I'm gonna go find them and kill them. Slowly and painfully.' ?! Edward!"

"Oh. Did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, Bella. You know I didn't mean it."

She rolled her eyes and laid her head down on my shoulder.

Then Jasper came bounding down the steps.

"Sorry, Edward." He ran into the kitchen.

"Sorry? For what? Jasper!"

But my question was answered as Emmett came down the steps, followed by Alice and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme were nowhere to be seen.

"Edward! I didn't know you were like that, man." Emmett plopped down next to me on the couch, giving my shoulder a punch.

"You know that didn't hurt, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

I rolled my eyes.

Alice giggled.

"What, Alice?"

"Sooo... you're afraid of Bella now? And you cry at the deaths of characters on tv?"

Oh frak. I was never going to live this down.

"Jasper!"

Oh, he was in trouble. He was going down. He would pay for this. Why would he tell them? They'll never stop teasing me. This is the last time I watch televison. It gets me into all sorts of trouble. Sigh. Life sucks.

**I'm sorry. That was a crappy chapter. Embarrassing Edward is really hard. Especially since I still have writer's block and kinda forced that chapter out. Without even the help of sugar or caffeine. Oh, woe is me.**

**Please review. Tell me how much you hated it and how much i suck. I'm sorry. I deserve it. lol. **


	14. Conditioner, Kissing, and Peeping Tom?

**New chapter! yay. lol I actually got the idea very randomly. I was in the bathroom, and I saw my mom's shampoo and this popped into my head. So I wrote it. Imagine that! :D**

**We hate four, so I need five reviews to update again! Come on, you know you can do it! :D**

**I don't own Twilight. But I do own conditioner... Not strawberry conditioner, unfortunately...**

"I'll be right back," I told Edward with a kiss. I gathered my toiletries bag and went to go take a shower and brush my teeth. I resolved to get done quickly.

In the shower, I put the water on steaming hot and let it soothe my muscles as I lathered up the shampoo. I rinsed it out and reached for the conditioner, only to realise I was out of conditioner. I had gone to the store earlier today and bought some.

It was in my room.

Oh man. What was I gonna do? I can't just go without conditioner.

Ugh. I was going to have to ask Edward to bring it to me. It won't be so bad, I told myself. He would simply bring it to me and I would cover myself with the shower curtain. Or he could put it on the sink, and I'd get it after he was back in my room.

Why did I care if he saw me? I mean, we were going to be married soon. And he probably saw me in Alice's thoughts, from when I had a cast and couldn't shower myself.

But I still didn't want him to see me. What if I repulsed him?

Oh, well... Best get it over with.

I closed my eyes. "Edward." I didn't yell, I knew he would hear me.

"Yes?" His soft, musical voice sounded right behind the door.

"Um, I'm kinda out of conditioner in here and the new bottle I bought is back in my room. Uh, can you bring it to me?" I bit my lip.

"Sure," he sounded amused at my hesitance.

He returned quickly and I stepped out of the shower slightly to unlock the door before hurrying back in to the cover of the shower curtain.

"It's open," I poked my head out and held out my arm. The door opened and Edward walked in with a smirk on his face and a conditioner bottle in his hand.

He gave me the conditioner and I returned to the shower stall, making sure the curtain was completely shut on both sides.

He laughed his musical laugh.

"Bella, I appreciate the modesty, but you know I would never look at you without your permission." Despite his teasing tone, I could tell he was embarrassed.

As my discomfort ceased, it was more apparent how uncomfortable Edward was. So I decided to tease him.

"Oh, really? So if the shower curtain fell down just now, you would close your eyes?"

"I wouldn't let the curtain fall." Oh, a smart answer for everything, eh?

"Answer my question."

"Yes. I would close my eyes." I could hear him rolling his eyes as he said that.

I grinned. "So, you wouldn't even be the least bit tempted to keep them open? For a flash second?"

I could just picture him, pressing his lips together and closing his eyes, jaw clenched.

"No." His voice was barely audible.

I suppressed a laugh.

Pretending to be offended, I said, "Well, then, what are you doing in here?! My dad is the Chief of Police! He can have you arrested! I can't believe my own boyfriend is a Peeping Tom!"

I peeked one eye out of the curtain, watching as his eyes widened with what I was saying. If he could, he would have been blushing.

"He, I. Bella, no. I wasn't peeping. Seriously, I. Okay, I'm leaving." He turned his back to open the door as I hopped out of the shower and grabbed my towel, wrapping it quickly around me. His hand turned the knob as I grabbed his arm and spun him around. He fell into the door with a thud as I leaned aginst him to kiss him. The door, which had opened a crack, slammed shut as I pressed my lips to his. Using my free hand, the one not keeping my towel in place, I relocked the door and traced his jaw as I kissed him.

Too soon, he tried to break away, which was difficult, since I had him pressed up against the door. I leaned in to kiss him again, but he had somehow managed to move away. He was leaning against the sink, catching his breath and watching me warily.

"Bella. That was... unexpected." He blinked. I think he's dazed! Oh my gosh! I dazzled him!!

I grinned.

"Now, seriously, get out of here so I can finish my shower quickly and return to you and finish what I started." I stared at him, trying to make my eyes smolder.

"Uh, yeah." He left, still looking dazed.

I laughed to myself as I finished conditioning my hair. All of that for conditioner. Wow.

**Don't forget to review! Even if you have nothing to say. Just review and tell me that you read it! Yes, I do accept anonymous reviews... I prefer reviews from people with fanfiction accounts so I can reply, but oh well. A review is a review. x**


	15. Fallin4U::: or just tripping

**Well, I got my 5 reviews... 6 actually, but mine doesn't really count. Who knew you could review your own story? You can also PM yourself! Isn't that awesome? lol. Anywayy... I really didn't think I'd get 5, but I did. So now I have to write another chapter./ And hey, if you liked this story, check out my others! The Thief is my favorite so far, and the one I work on more. No More Coming Back is my most recent. I wrote it last night. Anyway. don't forget to review! Let's aim for 7 this time! whoa, dream big! x**

**I don't own Twilight.**

"Ow! Shoot!" Hurrying to get downstairs, I tripped on the last stair and was sent sprawling to the floor, twisting my ankle on the way down. The book I was carrying flew ino the air and I hit the ground. Hard. The force of my fall knocked all of my air out of my lungs and I struggled to breathe again as the book came down on my head.

"Ow. Stupid hardback. 'Ooh, I'm the publishing company. I think hardbacks are cooler.' Yeah! Until they hit your readers' head!"

Needless to say, I was in a bad mood.

This was the third time this month that I had twisted my ankle. You think I should be used to it now, it happens so much. But no. Ugh. Why was I suck a klutz?

I got up slowly, leaning on my left leg instead of my right. I hobbled over to the living room sofa and sat down to inspect my ankle. Yep, it was starting to swell.

"Shoot. You think I could go ONE DAY without hurting myself somehow?! Of course not. It's impossible. After all, I am Bella Swan." I rolled my eyes. Life sucks.

Why am I so mad about merely twisting my ankle, you ask? Edward's out hunting. Yeah. He's going to be gone all day. So I had no one to help me get ice for my ankle, or carry me wherever I needed to go. If he was here, I wouldn't mind hurting myself. He always made it better. But now, I had nothing to do but wallow in my own pitifulness. Pitifulness? Is that even a word? Sigh. I guess I just have to stick it out, like I always did.

I shrugged to myself and picked up my book, still cursing the 'Special Hardback Edition.' What's so special about it anyway? Well, my old one was falling apart... And Edward bought this one for me. So I guess I can't hate it too much.

In case you were wondering, the book is Wuthering Heights. What else would I constantly be reading?

I took my iPod out of my pocket and turned it on, setting it to shuffle.

I laughed as I remembered a weird survey Renee emailed to me when she found out I had an iPod. You were supposed to put it on shuffle and write down the songs for each question, and they would complete the soundtrack to the movie of your life. Hilarious. And nonsensical.

As much as that sounds like a made-up word, 'nonsensical' actually is word. I think.

Hmm, now that I say it, I'm actually not sure. When Edward gets back, I'll ask him to get my dictionary for me.

Hey, I'm not lazy. I have a sprained ankle. As usual. Stupid step.

**Hmm. that was ok I guess. sort of OOC. and different than I normally write. oh well. please review. I want at least 4. if i got 10, i'd probably die from shock! lol. I'm not keeping chapters hostage, I promise! i update chaps as soon as I write them! and reviews inspire me to write! :D did i mention i don't own Twilight? or Wuthering Heights. or iPod... although I do own an iPod, and a paperback copy of WH. that i've not read all of yet... lol**


	16. Cullen Karaoke Adventures: Part One

**Well, I got 5 reviews. So I have to force myself to write something for you guys... -Sigh- You realise, my work isn't very good when I'm forcing myself to do it... Anyway.. You guys are awesome! Thanks for your reviews. I'm doing this for you :D Without reviews, I wouldn't write. Horrible, I know. lol. I should shut up and write something but I really have no clue what to write. Oh, and do you think you guys can send some of that reviewing power to The Thief? Thanks! x**

**I don't own Twilight, iPod, or Hawk Nelson. I do own an iPod. And Hawk Nelson songs on my iPod. so yeah**

"Bella!" Alice's voice sang out as she burst open the front door to my house.

"What?" I asked weakly. I knew this was going to be torture.

Alice stomped her way up to my room, where I was.

"Get your iPod and come on!"

"Come on where?"

"My house. Come on! Quickly! Let's go!"

I sighed and grabbed my iPod, following Alice out of my house.

I opened the passenger door to her Porsche and got in and she sped away quickly.

A few short minutes later, we arrived at her house and got out of the car.

"Come on Bella!" She grabbed my hand and yanked me forward, running up to the door where we burst in and Alice announced our presence.

"Sorry to keep you waiting so long!" Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme were all waiting in the living room. Jasper and Emmett looked happy, Rosalie looked bored, and Edward looked pained. Uh-oh. This can't be good.

"Karaoke time!" Alice sang out.

"Oh no. No, Alice. Please, no."

"You have to, Bella. Oh look, you even brought your iPod! That means you want to." She stuck her tongue out at me.

How did I get dragged into this? I thought as I sat down next to Edward.

"I'm really sorry about this," he said, slipping his arm around my waist.

"Okay, since it was my idea, I get to go first! Bella, give me your iPod." I relunctantly handed over my iPod and watched as she searched through the music.

"Ooh! This song. Okay, Bella. I need a singing partner. We're gonna do a duet!" She looked at me expectantly.

I groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you have to."

I looked at Edward. 'Sorry,' he mouthed and shrugged. I sighed and walked over to Alice.

"Alice, you know you're supposed to have a karaoke machine, right? We can't just listen to the song on my iPod and sing it."

"What, do you think this is my first time karaoke-ing? I'm hurt, Bella. Deeply hurt. I know we need a karaoke machine. I got a super-special one! You plug your iPod into it and it knows what song is playing and it filters out the words so you can sing to the instrumental version, and it displays the words on our tv."

I sighed. Of course she had to go get a special fancy one.

"What song are we singing?"

"Mm, I was thinking, 'Zero'?"

I groaned. Why, Alice? Why?

She hooked up my iPod to her karaoke machine and handed me a microphone. She pressed the Play button.

"I'll nudge you when it's your turn to sing," she whispered as the intro started.

Alice began singing.

"Your life dreams are shattered, now you're gone away. We've cried here for hours. And the hours turned to days," she nudged me.

"We know you regret this, leaving us here. With portraits and memories that we've held so dear. When I hear your name, it's not the same. No matter what they say, I'm not okay."

Alice joined in with me for the chorus.

"And we started at zero and went different ways. Now we're all out here wasting away. And if we started at zero, then how did things change? Seems like just yesterday, we were the same."

Alice left off, leaving me to sing the next verse.

"It's been three month since he left us. So far, nothing's been the same. And my question without answer is: Am I the one to blame?"

Alice nudged me and took over.

"He was such a good description of a favored future man. He spoke well of other people, and they said the same for him." She nudged me again.

"When I hear your name, it's not the same. No matter what they say, I'm not okay." I stopped singing and let Alice take the chorus.

"And we started at zero and went different ways. Now we're all out here wasting away. And if we started at zero, then how did things change? Seems like just yesterday we were the same." The music changed as it approached the monlogue part, the part that made me cry sometimes. As the music played, Alice whispered to me that I would take the first half and she'd nudge me when it was her turn.

"They say they're sorry, well what are they sorry for? How could they possibly know what I was going through? I feel like no one's ever had to deal with this pain that I'm dealing with right now." Alice nudged me and took over.

"Just six months ago, everything was fine. Or so it seemed. What turn of events caused him to go down the hill? His parents are devastated, his girlfriend's depressed. What was he thinking?!" As she sang the last two sentences, she glanced at Edward and back at me. I wasn't supposed to see, but I did. Oh. Now I understood. She was thinking this song related to when he left me. It kind of does, if you have the right person sining the right part. And she had done that, made sure I sang the parts that would relate to me. Oh, you're a crafty one, Alice.

"And we started at zero and went different ways, now we're all out here wasting away. And if we started at zero, then how did things change? Seems like just yesterday, we were the same. We were the same. We were the same." I finished the song.

"Yay!" Alice hugged me and started bouncing up and down.

"We make a great singing team! Now, who's next?" Emmett started to jump up from his seat, but Alice called Jasper's name.  
Looks like Jasper, Alice, and Emmett were the only ones who truly wanted to sing karaoke.

I sat back down next to Edward.

"You did great," he whispered to me as he played with my hair. I smiled and blushed as I turned to watch Jasper.

**Ooh yeah! A cliffie! lol. don't worry, i'll make everyone sing. or almost everyone, anyway. i just wanted Alice and Bella to sing 'Zero' cause, the parts that Bella sings, really are like her POV from when he left... you know? I hope it wasn't confusing. If so, I'm sorry! and 'Zero' truly is a great song. Buy it for your iPod! :D lol. Don't forget to review!**


	17. Cullen Karaoke Adventures: Part Two

**OMG. I'm so sorry, Jasper! I'm so sorry, Emmett! I am pure evil. But this is bound to be hilarious. Please review!**

Just as Jasper was about to take the mic, Emmett yelled out.

"No! Please! Let me go first! Please please please?!" He threw himself down on the ground in front of Jasper, begging. Jasper smirked at him and his gaze flickered to Edward for a moment. I swear I saw Jasper nod a little bit. I was about to ask Edward what was going on when he pulled out a camera and aimed it at Emmett. I stifled a giggle.

"OK, Emmett. But only since you asked so nicely."

Jasper returned to the couch. Emmett grabbed my iPod and searched the songs.

"Yes! Just the song I wanted." He put the iPod on the machine and pressed play, grabbing the microphone.

"You get the-" he yelled out while the music was playing.

"Oh, wait. Not that part. Okay, Emmett, calm down." I threw Edward a quizzical glance. What song was he going to sing and why was he talking to himself? Edward just shook his head and motioned for me to shush, keeping the camera trained on Emmett the whole time.

"You get the limo out front! Hot styles! Every shoe! Every color! Ooh, look a rainbow! Yeah! When you're famous, it can be kind of fun! It's really you but no one every discovers. In some ways you're just like all your friends but on stage you're a STAAAAAAAAAAAAR! HEY! YOU GET THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST OF BOTH WORLDS! Chill it out! Take it slow! And rock out the show! You get the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST of both worlds, chill it out. Oh oops. Uh.. Mix it all together, and you know you've got the Best! You get the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST of both girls! Without the shades and the hair, you can go anywhere! You go to movie premieres, is that Orlando Bloom? OMG he's so hot, Lilly! Oh! Yeah you get to be my smalltown girl and big time with your air guitar! You get the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST of both worlds! Mix it all together and you know you've got the BEST! Ch'yea! Fo shizzle, my nizzle, beat that Jizasper. Biznatch!" Emmett threw the microphone at Jasper.

Beside me, Edward was shaking with silent laughter. It was funny. Emmett messed up the words and belted out 'best' like there was no tomorrow. I wonder what sort of blackmail Edward is going to use the tape for.

"Jasper, if Emmett told you to beat him, that means you have to follow suit of the competition." Alice's face was apologetic.

"What?"

"You have to do the same song, or a song by the same artist."

Realisation dawned on Jasper.

"Aw, shoot, Emmett! Man, why'd you have to pick Hannah Montana?!" He groaned. Emmett laughed.

Alice rushed over to where Jasper was standing, picking out a song on my iPod.

"It's okay. Do the song that you don't hate. You know, the one you si-" Jasper cut Alice off.

"Ah, I got it Alice."

He put the iPod back and waited as the music played.

"How did I get here? I turned around and there you were. I didn't think twice, or rationalize. Cause somehow I knew. That there was more than just chemistry, I mean I know you were kind of into me. But I figured it's too good to be true. I said, pinch me where's the catch this time? Can't find a single cloud in the sky. Help me before I get used to this guy... Er, girl... They say that good things take time. But really great things happen in a blink of an eye. Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one. I cannot believe it. Oh, whoa. You're one in a million."

It was creepy how much Jasper sounded like Hannah Montana. Apparently the Cullens noticed too, because all of the sudden, Emmett was on the ground roaring with laughter, Edward was trying to shush him because of the camera, Rosalie was giggling, and Alice was trying not to laugh.

Jasper stopped in the middle of his perfect imitation of the song and threw down the microphone.

"This is why I stopped doing karaoke with you guys! I never make fun of any of you! You didn't make fun of Emmett! You all suck, you know that?" He ran upstairs, but not before waves of Jasper's sadness and embarrassment sobered us all up.

"Jasper! I'm sorry" Alice followed him.

The rest of us looked around, bewildered. Then Edward laughed evilly.

"Hey Emmett."

"What?"

"I got Jasper's performance on video. Wanna put it on Youtube?" He grinned at me.

"Yeah! Sure!" He scrambled up to help Edward. Little did he know his performance was also on that tape. Rosalie grinned at me, thinking the same thing I was. Before I knew she was gone, she was back with her laptop. A couple of minutes later, Edward and Emmett came back, announcing their successful uploading of the video. Rosalie plugged her laptop into the tv and clicked on Jasper's video.

We watched as he sang exactly like Hannah and burst out of the room. Then the screen was black. Emmett started clapping and cheering, congratulating Edward on catching Jasper on film. But Edward just smirked and told him to shut up.

Emmett's performace appeared on screen.

"What the?" He watched himself sing 'The Best Of Both Worlds' with wide eyes. When it ended, he turned to Edward.

"Edward! How? Why! What? You!!"

Edward laughed. "Sorry. Jasper told me to."

"Yeah, well, now you have to sing." Emmett said with a smug face.

Uh oh. This was not going to go down well.

**Yeah, I don't own Twilight or Hannah Montana. this could have been better. oh well. review!**


	18. OMFGWTFTISFLMAOHAHA, Angela Can't Read?

**Sorry for my lack of updates! I've been working on 'The Thief' (speaking of which, please go to my profile and vote cause it's at a tie and I can't update until I know what I'm writing!)  
Anyway... Finally! A chapter! And one without songs! Maybe... lol**

**Special thanks go to Ashleigh, for being dyslexic and having someone in her class that didn't know what that meant. Thanks for letting me use your story. And thanks for being dyslexic so I could actually have a story this funny! lol**

**I don't own Twilight. Why so serious?**

When I woke up in the morning, I sighed heavily. It was time for the end-of-the-year exams. Bleh.

Not wanting to get out of bed, I let myself roll, expecting to hit the floor suddenly. I was surprised when I didn't, but then I remembered that Edward would never let me fall.

"Good morning, Bella."

My reply was a sleepy and unenthusiastic groan.

He chuckled.

"Nice to see you're looking forward to the exams."

I groaned again, only to be met with another laugh from him.

"Do you have to be so cheerful about it?" He was about to respond, but I simply answered myself.

"Of course you do. There's no possible way you could fail _your_ exams. _You've_ been around for a century. _You_ know everything." There was a bitter edge to my voice that I did not expect.

"Which is why _you_ will pass, because_ I _tutored you." Edward mocked my tone with a grin. He was simply immune to my bad mood. When he grinned my favorite crooked grin, I couldn't help but stop being grumpy. I felt a goofy smile spreading across my face at the joy of seeing his beautiful topaz eyes and mocking crooked grin.

"I have to get ready."

"Yes, you do. I'll pick you up later." He gave me a swift kiss on the lips, and then he was gone. I sighed and got ready for school.

**(AN. I'm doing an Ashleigh and skipping this part. Just going right to Bella's exam.)**

When Edward and I got to the Biology exam, we were early. Thanks to his unnaturally speedy driving. Angela was the only other one in the classroom. She was reading a book, as usual. We exchanged a quick hello before Edward and I went to our seats. Soon after, everyone else started filing in.

Unexpectedly, I finished my exam early. Of course Edward had finished within two minutes of receiving the exam, but I was surprised that I had finished early too. I thought I was going to still be stuck on the tenth question when time was up. Instead, I just waited with Edward while everyone else finished theirs. We weren't allowed to leave until everyone was done.

Mr. Banner and a student were talking at his desk. They were talking about their favourite scientists.

"Einstein was also dyslexic," Mr. Banner was saying. Huh. I never knew that. I should have.

Just then, Mike looked up from his test.

"You mean Einstein couldn't read?!" He looked shocked.

Beside me, Edward was slightly shaking with silent laughter.

"Uh, Mike? I'm dyslexic," Angela said.

Mike whirled around to see her, as did almost everyone else in the classroom.

"Oh. So, can you read?"

At first, Angela blinked. Then the classroom erupted with laughter. I looked at Edward, who looked like he was about to throw himself on the ground from laughter. Stupid mindreading vampire.

It must have taken ten minutes for all the laughing to quiet down. It was a well-known fact that Angela loved to read. She almost always had a book with her. If not a book, something else.

Mike was laughing with everyone else, but he looked embarrassed.

"Dyslexics can read. They just see words backwards. So it's harder, but they can read," Edward explained to him with a hint of smugness in his voice. It was pretty funny.

"Oh," Mike mumbled and sunk down into his seat. For a somewhat smart guy, Mike can be pretty dumb sometimes.

I smiled at him, trying to make him feel better. At least he made us laugh. And made me forget about all these stupid exams, even if it was only for a minute.

**So yes this was a short chapter. Sorry. It's better than none! lol Don't forget to review!**


	19. The Apology: Part One

**I was supposed to write this chapter on June 3rd, but I didn't. Sorry. (this actually happened to me, what Bella did.) So I hope you like it! Please review!**

**I do not own Twilight!**

"Edward! Edward! Edward!" Emmett was running out of our house towards my car, screaming my name. He was waving something in his hand frantically.

"Edward! Come on! You have to see this!" He darted back into the house. I sighed. What else could I do?

I got out of my car and headed towards the front door of my house. Emmett suddenly reappeared at the door.

"Come on! Hurry!" He sounded excited and impatient. I rolled my eyes and entered the house, hoping it wasn't some stupid crappy pop song he found on Youtube. I really wasn't in the mood to hear Emmett's singing voice. Or should I call it a non-voice?

Emmett was sitting on the sofa, bouncing up and down. He was holding the tv remote in his hand, pointed at the tv, waiting.

I rolled my eyes and sat on the couch. Emmett pressed play.

On the screen was a girl with brown hair, sitting at a desk with a computer. She was tapping away at the keyboard and singing along to the end of 'Franklin' by paramore.

Wait a minute, it wasn't just a girl. It was Bella. In her room, at her computer. Why did Emmett have a tape of Bella in her room?

Anger flowed through me as I thought of reasons and I stood up to let Emmett have it, but the next part of the video made me sit back down. The song ended and another one started. Bella reached for the mouse and clicked a button on the computer, making the song stop while it was still in the first ten seconds. Weird. Bella loved that song. Then she started reaching for her iPod, connecting it to the USB cable. The words she spoke shocked me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to pause you. I mean, I love that song. Great song. And I wanted to listen to it. It's just, I have to sync my iPod and I don't know if you would play while syncing. And I don't want you to stop in the middle, because that would make me sad. I love 'My Heart' and I want to listen to it. But I had to pause it. I'm sorry. I'll listen to it later."

As she spoke, she plugged in her iPod and clicked around to sync it, but I barely noticed. I was too hung up on the fact that she just apologised to her iTunes program. No, not even the iTunes; it was the song she apologised to. Actually, it was both.

Had Bella gone off the deep end? Lost her marbles? Gone loco? What was going on?!

The video ended.

I stared at the television screen, unable to blink. Slowly, I regained sanity and turned to Emmett. He was grinning widely and mischieviously.

"Emmett? What was that?" My words came out slow. I was still in shock. For what reason, I don't even remember.

"Edward, I think it's time to face the truth: your girlfriend's a nutjob." He said it so simply, as if he was announcing the fact that he was thirsty.

"Don't say that! She is not a nutjob!" But wasn't I just thinking that a few seconds ago? No! I know Bella, there must be a reasonable explanation for this.

"Well, what do you suggest I call someone who apologised to her computer for pausing a song?" Various names ran through Emmett's thoughts, making me mad.

"Shut up! She is not crazy! There is a reasonable explanation for this and I shall find out what it is." Then I remembered something.

"As soon as I learn why you had a video camera in Bella's room." I turned the full force of my anger into a glare, locking my eyes into Emmett's.

He gulped.

**Uh oh. What will happen? REVIEW!**

_Shoutout to Obsessed.with.writing aka Ashleigh! She's the best non-beta beta anyone could ever ask for! And she's even let me use her as a character in my story, 'The Thief'! So thanks to Ashleigh. And thanks for encouraging... mm... demanding me to write! Thanks for giving me ideas too! I think, without Ashleigh, 70 of my chapters would not exist! So give some love to Ashleigh and go read and review her stories!! They're the best!_


	20. The Apology: Part Two

**Yay! Here's part two. So, just to let you know- I did apologise to my iTunes on June 3rd. My words were slightly different, but it was the same thing. 'My Heart' by paramore came on but I had to pause it so I could sync my iPod... and I apologised. Thanks to Ashleigh for not thinking I was crazy!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

"Emmett." My voice was stern. I took a menacing step towards Emmett, shooting fire at him with my eyes. Haha, it was fun to see him squirm.

"Edward, I-I..."

"Spit it out, Emmett." I growled.

"It's just a video surveillance system!"

"And why are you 'surveilling' my girlfriend?" I took another step towards Emmett and tried not to laugh as he backed away. He knows he could probably take me in a fight, but he's scared of the wrath of my anger. Maybe that will teach him to stop triggering my anger.

"She's so funny, Edward. And you never bring her over here anymore. I haven't had a laugh for days! I need Bella. I need to see her trip or make a complete fool of herself. That's all." Oh. That was all?

"I bring her over here a lot, Emmett. She was just here a couple of days ago."

"Well, yeah. But that was a couple of days ago! I need to see her do something stupid everyday."

"Don't you do enough stupid things everyday to amuse yourself? Do you really need Bella?" It was rhetorical, but he answered.

"Yes."

I sighed. Then a new thought flashed in my mind.

"Emmett, that is her bedroom. That is where she sleeps, that is where she needs privacy. I can't believe you would--" Through Emmett's mind, an image of Bella flashed through my head. She was in her room, facing away from the camera. Her fingers were undoing the hooks in the back of her bra.

"It's also where she gets dressed," Emmett was saying smugly. The image went away as he blocked his thoughts.

Emmett had seen my Bella get undressed. Emmett thought about it. He let me see it too. He thought about it. About her.

"Emmett!" I growled. I was no longer trying to scare him, I was truly angry.

He backed away. "Edward, that's all I've seen. I swear."

I growled and stormed out of the house.

"Where are you going?" Emmett was calling out to me, but I paid him no attention.

I got into my Volvo and sped away to Bella's house. Luckily for me, Charlie was at work.

Still fuming about Emmett's violation of Bella's privacy, I stormed into her house. The front foor banged open.

"Edward?" Bella was in the kitchen, making Charlie's dinner. She looked at me with confusion as I marched up the stairs to her room. Bella followed me.

When I got to her room, I turned towards the wall where the camera would be.

"Edward? What are you doing?" I ignored her and walked over to the wall. I could see the camera. It was a small camera. Probably not visible to human eyesight. I picked it up and crushed it in my fingers.

Once the offending device had been destroyed, I looked at Bella. The image Emmett had shown me flashed through my mind, but I pushed it away.

"Edward?" Bella was confused. She walked over to me and placed her hand on my arm, looking at me questioningly.

"Emmett," I growled, but not as fierce as before.

Bella sighed and pulled on my arm. We walked over to her bed and sat.

"What did he do this time?"

"Surveillance camera. He was upset that you hadn't been over in awhile, he said. He needed to see you trip. So he installed a camera in your room and got a crack out of it when you apologised to your iTunes." Bella froze next to me.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I did not know he had installed a camera. He didn't see anything." Much, I added to myself before continuing. "I yelled at him for it, and when I get back I will harm him. I'm sorry, love."

"Um. You said. H-he got a crack out of... When I... Um." Bella bit her lip. Worry was etched across her face.

"Oh, yeah. Bella, what was that about anyway?" I refused to believe Emmett, that Bella had gone nuts. It simply wasn't true. And she would explain... Wouldn't she?

"Bella?" She had gone silent.

"Bella, Emmett thinks you've gone crazy. But I know you haven't. There's a reasonable explanation for this, right?" Right?

She sighed.

**So, yep. Review pleaseee!**

_More thanks to Obsessed.with.writing!! When I apologised to my iTunes, I told her about it and she's the one who said I should write it into Weirder Than Fiction. So thanks!_

_It is also because of her that I am lexy, fantabilotious, and a rocker of iPod docks, mismatched socks, and nonexisting socks! xoxo, Ash! :)_

_Go read and review her stories. They rock more socks than I do! lol_


	21. The Apology: Part Three

**Part three! Possibly the last... hm... anyway, I finished 'the Thief' and I will have a sequel. Later. One day. I've updated 4 times today, ok!?**

**I do not own Twilight, Frosted Flakes, Cracker Jacks, or Symphony... mmm but I love Symphony!**

**Edward's POV**

"Bella?"

"Edward. Ok. I'm not crazy. I didn't even know what I was doing. I needed food. The only thing I had eaten that day was a bowl of Frosted Flakes, a slice of toast, an icecream bar, a slice of cake, two boxes of caramel Cracker Jacks, and a cheese sandwich!"

"So you weren't crazy, you were sugar high?"

"Yes. I mean, no! I--"

"Bella," I interrupted her with a disapproving tone.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Please don't take away my Symphony bar!" Bella threw her head down into her pillow and screeched, fake-sobbing.

"Symph-- Bella! I thought I said you couldn't have a lot of sugar!" She sat back up.

"You're not the boss of me!" She screamed before running out of the room, hiding the Symphony bar behind her back. I rolled my eyes. She was so stubborn.

"Bella! Give me back the chocolate!" I raced down the steps after her. She was sitting on the floor in the kitchen. She shoved the remaining half of the Symphony bar in her mouth when she saw me.

"No!" She leaped up and opened the fridge door, grabbing the gallon of milk and a can of whipped icing. While she poured herself a cup of milk, I grabbed the can of icing and dumped it in the trash.

"Edward! No! Why would you do that!? I need my icing!"

"Bella, it's pure sugar."

"So!? I want sugar!"

"Which is exactly why you can't have any."

"Grr. I thought you loved me. Hmph." Bella turned on her heel, flipping her hair behind her.

I followed her into the living room where she plopped herself down on the couch.

"Bella, I do love you. That is why I try not to allow you to be sugar high. You know you only end up embarrassing yourself."

Bella glanced at me.

"I suppose that's true. But, it's. I. Just. The. Candy. Me. Yum. Sugar. The. Mmm," she whined. I tried not to laugh at how cute she was.

"Okay. I understand. But you already had sugar today, so you don't really need anymore. Right?" She looked at me with defiance, but then her looked softened.

"Right." I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

**Bella's POV**

Was he kidding? Of course I needed more sugar. But if I told him that, I would just be reprimanded more.

"Right," I agreed. But if he thought I was staying away from sugar, he had another thought coming. Tonight, I would dig into my secret stash of candy and go crazy. And there was nothing Edward could do to stop me.

**Ooh. she went there. don't mess with zohan!**

**REVIEW!**

_Check out Obsessed.with.writing's stories and review them!! Non-beta betas truly are the best!_


	22. Introducing the Emo

**Well I've been pestered to write a new chapter so I did.**

**Sorry for my delay in updating. I've been busy. And I'm doing college work now. ******

**I don't own twilight. Review**

**Bella's POV**

"Edward! Guess what!" Today had been a sunny day. I went to school by myself. But now I was skipping into the Cullens' house.

"What?" Edward said as he stopped me from tripping.

"I made a new friend today at school!"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know. I was confused too. But this new girl moved here and I just felt like being nice to her."

"New girl? What? There was no new girl coming today."

I nestled into his lap and sighed. He was so stupid sometimes.

"Oh, yeah I know. She transferred two months ago. Apparently no one had talked to her until now. She was really grateful that I did."

Edward smiled.

"Well, I'm proud of you, Bella. Getting over your shyness and talking to someone new." He kissed the top of my head.

"Yeah, and guess what else? I invited her over!" At that very moment, the doorbell rang.

I shot up to answer it, not even noticing Edward's expression.

I opened the door. Kalila was standing there, looking wary to be there but impressed at the house.

I squealed. "I'm so glad you came!" I ushered her in and gave her a hug, jumping up and down. Oh, crap. I looked at Edward. He looked disappointed in me. Dang it. I was supposed to keep my sugar high a bit more under control.

"Edward! This is my new friend, Kalila. Kalila, this is my outrageously lexy boyfriend, Edward." I giggled and blushed. Kalila smiled slightly.

"Hello. Nice to meet you." Edward stood up from the couch and held his hand out. Kalila stared at it quizzically. He shrugged and returned his hand to his side.

Just then, Alice came bounding down the steps. She was excited to meet my new friend. Edward was giving me a meaningful look so I let Alice give Kalila the tour of the house. Edward and I walked up to his room.

"_She's_ your new friend?" Edward looked upset. I was confused.

"Yes. Why?"

"Bella, she looks scary. Gothic. Troublemaking. I don't want you hanging out with someone like that." His tone was so disapproving. It made me angry.

"What are you, my father?! So what if she wears black?"

"Bella, she looks like someone who could get you into trouble if you hang around with her enough. Her eye makeup is so dark. What if she's on drugs or something?"

I was taken aback.

"Edward, I never thought of you as someone who would judge other people by their appearances. She's my friend and she's hurting, so I'm going to do whatever I can to help her." With that, I stalked back down the steps. As my foot hit the second to last step, I tripped. No biggie, at least I wasn't at the top pf the steps like normal.

Alice and Kalila were done with the tour.

"So, do you like the house?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful. As are its' occupants." She laughed, then blushed as she realised what she said. I could tell we would be great friends. No matter what Edward said. He was just overprotective of me, I knew he didn't mean anything by it.

"Bella, guess what! Kalila has agreed to go shopping with me! Isn't that great?!"

I looked at Kalila, shocked. She shrugged.

"As long as we go to Hot Topic. My mom doesn't let me shop there." She frowned.

Alice gasped. "But, but. Their accessories. Gorgeous." She seemed a little speechless and appalled, but she quickly recovered.

"Don't worry, I will buy you whatever you want from there!" Kalila smiled.

"Come on, let's go!" Alice was always eager to shop.

I groaned. "Do we have to do it right now?"

"Yes, we do. Besides, don't you want to get away from here for awhile until you're not mad at Edward anymore?" Alice gave me a stern look. I blushed. How did she know about that?

"Sure," I reluctantly agreed before Kalila could ask questions.

Once we were in Alice's car, Kalila whispered to me.

"Your boyfriend is beautiful. Does he have any brothers?"

Alice laughed.

"Yes, he does. But they're both taken."

Kalila frowned and sat back in her seat.

She sighed.

"It doesn't matter much anyway."

She looked like she didn't want to say anything else, but I asked her why.

"Because first of all, no one like that would ever like me; and second of all, ever since I started reading books about vampires, I only want guys who are sparkly, pale, and cold." She sighed.

My eyes widened slightly but a cough from Alice made me regain my composure.

"Don't worry, Kalila. I didn't think anyone would ever like me, but I have Edward." I smiled.

"Yeah, but you're pretty," she argued.

"So are you." Even if Edward thought she was a gothic druggie freak.

"No I'm not," she said exasperatingly. "That's why I look like this." She gestured at her clothing.

To that, I had no response. I didn't see anything wrong with her appearance.

Soon, we were at the mall. Kalila and Alice raced to the Hot Topic and I followed behind dreadingly.

After a few hours, Kalila and Alice bought half of the store and they were finally ready to leave. I sighed in relief, earning an eye roll from Alice.

We were on our way home. Yay.

**Kalila's POV**

I had been at Forks High for two months before Bella talked to me. At first I was shocked, since people tended to stay away from me. But then I realised that I needed a friend. So I went over to her house after school.

Oh, pardon me, her boyfriend's house. Yes, I said that sarcastically. Every girl in the world has a boyfriend except me. Probably because I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend. But still. No guys like me at all. I know that's a really bad reason to feel depressed, but it lowers my self esteem and sometimes I wonder if I'm worth it.

I try. I'm a vegetarian and I exercise, I wear tight shirts and shower every day. But maybe my 'emo' appearance is what scares them off. But that's ok, because it's who I am and if people are going to judge me based on my appearance, then I don't need them anyway.

At least that's what I tell myself.

I honestly don't know how I feel most of them time, because my mind changes that often.

One minute, I'm desperate to have a guy like me, and the next I think it's totally ridiculous to conform and be what people think you should be so I give up and stop caring.

I wish I was good at something. I can't do anything well. Nothing school-related, nothing career-related, nothing that I like at all.

Why can't anything be easy for me like it is for other people?

Sigh. At least Alice and Bella were taking me shopping. Maybe I'd have some fun then.

When we entered Hot Topic, several items were immediately placed in my hands.

"Go try them on!" Alice smiled.

I walked over to the dressing room hesitantly. These shirts were short sleeved. I hate short sleeved shirts.

Why? Oh, no reason. I just have a couple of scars here and there, no big.

Besides, I would just try them on, claim I didn't like them, and head towards the long sleeved shirts, right?

Wrong.

I had barely gotten a cute red and black tank top pulled over my head when Alice was shimmying under the dressing room door to see the shirt. My eyes widened as her eyes roamed my arms.

Crap.

Her eyes grew slightly darker.

"Kalila?" She asked softly.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled as I threw my jacket on.

"No, it's okay. I understand. Just, be careful, alright? And don't do it around my family. Ever." Her voice was hard but she covered it up with a giggle.

"That tank top is so cute! And it looked good on you. Of course, guys will do nothing but look at your chest." She winked. I blushed.

Ok, so it didn't go too horribly. But I couldn't help but wonder why Alice didn't seem to have a problem with… what I did. I had expected to be whisked away to a mental hospital. But that's one thing I hate about people, they don't understand.

But Alice was not like most people. She was nice. And I was glad that I had someone who accepted me for who I was.

At least, it seemed that way to me.

And I was happy.

**Bella's POV**

So we were finally back at the house. Kalila had been silent during the car ride back, but she seemed to be happier.

As soon as I set foot in the house, Edward whisked me up into his arms and hugged me.

"I'm sorry about before. I wasn't aware of some things and I didn't understand. Thank you for being such a good friend to her. She needed you," he whispered into my ear. I shrugged it off.

He set me down and chuckled as we watched Alice and Kalila showing off all their new items.

Emmett came bounding down the stairs with Rosalie following behind gracefully.

Emmett laughed at Alice and Kalila's products.

"What's with all the doom?"

Alice glared at him.

"They're cute. What would you know about it?"

"Nothing. And I don't want to, either. I'm just saying, the black clothes seem to match her mood."

Alice punched Emmett in the shoulder.

Jasper came out of the kitchen.

"No, he's right. Underneath material happiness, I feel sad. Why does life suck?"

Edward stiffened beside me. Oh, that's right. Kalila didn't know about us. Them.

Alice glared at Jasper.

"Upstairs, now!" She boomed.

Jasper looked taken aback.

"Fine. If you really hate me that much." He burst into tearless sobs and fled.

"Wow. He's kind of emo." Kalila smiled then bit her lip, glancing around the room to see if anyone noticed.

Alice laughed.

"Yep, that's my Jasper. Overemotional little freak. But I love him."

The air was uncomfortable after Jasper's little breakdown. Because I knew him, I knew he was reflecting Kalila's feelings. And I felt horrible about that.

Suddenly, Emmett got a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Hey, Bella. You know those brownies Esme made for you? They're getting stale, when are you going to eat them?"

"Emmett, you know I can't eat that many brownies!"

"Well, why don't you offer some to your friend?" He nodded in Kalila's direction.

"Sure. Do you want some?"

"Are you kidding? I love brownies." Her eyes were light with joy. I laughed.

"Okay, let's go eat some."

Kalila followed me into the kitchen where we proceeded to eat brownies. Esme had baked so many. But they weren't stale at all, they were really good.

"Hey, do you have any milk to wash these down with?" I opened my mouth to respond but Emmett was quicker.

"No. The only thing we have is Mountain Dew."

"Oh, that'll work."

Emmett set down two cans of Mountain Dew. Edward started to protest, but Alice and Emmett gave him death glares. He frowned.

Yes! Mountain Dew! Caffeine! Sugar! Whoo!!

Kalila and I guzzled all of the Mountain Dew and scarfed all of the brownies.

Let's just say we got sugar high.

And I don't know about Kalila, but I will never feel sad again.

**Kalila's POV**

Ahaha! I love being sugar high!!

That is the ultimate cure for depression. Now I know how people went through life, not hating every minute of it.

Yay.

**Lol, I have no idea what the crap that was. Please review.**

_A big thank you to the bestest beta ever, Obsessed.with.writing_

_She told me to write a chapter and helped me when I was feeling unmotivated and down. These chapters would not exist without her, and they would be a lot worse!! So yay for Ashleigh! Show her your appreciation and review her stories! They're really good._


	23. Here's the Narrator! oO WtF it's Bella!

**Ok, I am soooo sorry I haven't updated this one in FOREVER!!  
But, honestly, it's not really a story… It's a series of one-shots pretty much. And I can't force funny ideas to come into my head. And I can't always adapt real-life funny scenarios to fanfiction.  
Although, I do have some…. Oohhh brainstorm!!**

**Ok so please review!! If you read it… Hale, if you frickin clicked on this, PLEASE review!!**

**Whenever someone reads my stories without reviewing, a newborn vampire kills a hot guy.**

**Disclaimer: I woke up today. Woke up wide awake. In an empty bed, staring at an empty room. I have myself to blame for the state I'm in today and now dying doesn't seem so cruel. And oh, I don't know what to say, wish I hadn't given it away. The rights to the Twilight Saga. Now Stephenie is rich and famous, and I'm just left with shame and, sometimes life can be really hard…. I hate myself for losing you!! Oh dear Twilight copyright. Why why why why?**

**(A hug from Edward… or Kellan Lutz… to the first person that can guess the song I was using…. And then transformed into wackiness…. But it's cool, I'll have to admit… So yeah…)  
What is it with me and using "…."??**

**Bella's POV**

"Eeeeeeeedwaaaaaaaaard, I sang out as I walked into my room. He flinched."

"What?"

"He asked with a wary look on his face."

"Ohhhhh nothing….. I just feel like singing a song. I said with a smile on my face."

"Bella. Why are you narrating everything?"

"I giggled. Because it's fun!! We never have enough fun, Edward. I pouted. Everything's all boring. I sighed dramatically and plopped onto my bed."

"Then an idea hit my mind and I grinned mischievously as I sat up slowly. I extended my legs so that they were sliding off the bed and heading towards the ground. I made sure Edward got a glimpse of my bare legs. I sighed. I loved wearing shorts. I smile again and walked slowly over to where Edward was sitting on my rocking chair. I stood right in front of him, giving him the perfect view. I grinned.  
But my grin turned into a frown as he leaned away from me and his eyes glued to my face.  
Edward laughed."

"You kind of destroyed the whole 'seduce Edward' thing with the narrating."

"I sighed. Yeah. But it's more fun that way! I pouted and climbed onto his lap."

"What's more fun? Annoying the heck out of me, or this…?"

And then, I couldn't even narrate anymore, for his lips were on top of mine and I was in heaven.

A sigh escaped my lips as I reached my hands up to his hair. His arms wrapped tighter around me, and I found myself trying to be closer to him. A feat that was impossible, but oh so irresistible.

I whimpered as his tongue flicked across my bottom lip. I stuck my tongue out too, to get a taste of his wonderful skin.

He sighed deeply and pushed me back.

"Bella,"

"He said in a disapproving tone."

"Ugh! We're back to that again?!"

"He threw his hands up into the air. Well, yes, Edward. My mouth isn't otherwise occupied, so…. I trailed off, hoping he'd get the hint. Well of course he would, with me narrating everything. But I hoped he wouldn't refuse."

"Oh, I see. You'll only shut up when I'm kissing you."

"His mouth turned up into the crooked smile I adored. Yep. Pretty much."

"It's better than going insane," and before I barely even saw his smile, much less could narrate it, his lips were on mine again.

I smiled to myself. Maybe this was the key to getting what I wanted, making Edward decide that no words could come out of my mouth for fear of annoyance.

Haha. I love great epiphanies such as that.

So, I'll spend the entire day kissing my love. Yay me.

**Ding dong! The wicked witch! The wicked with is dead! Ding dong! This story sucks! This story sucks so bad!  
What is it with me and songs today?**

**Oh, hahahahaha!! Ok, if you have a youtube account, please go and search PiNKiPodGymnast (or emoTWiLiGHT) and watch my videos… Most of them are Twilight.. well, me being obsessed with Twilight…. But I uploaded a 10-minute video of me laughing and rambling. It's hilarious, insane, stupid, random, unintelligent, loud, odd, emomazing, crazy, annoying, dumb, and funny! Love youuuu! (you little…) Lol!!**

_Kellan hugs go to my beta, Obsessed.with.writing!! (Haha, I know you screamed!)  
Despite my extreme oddities (view above mentioned video) she still loves me and encourages me to write!  
_

_Well… more like threatens me to write…  
Oh well! It gets you chapters. :) _

_NOW SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION AND REVIEW!!  
(Not you, Ashleigh. I know you always review.)_


	24. Author's Note I'm Sorry!

**Ok, I hate posting ANs as chapters but I just need to explain why I haven't updated.**

**I've been really busy. Like really busy. And my mom recently decided that I was only going to be on the computer for 2 hours everyday…. Which is no time at all, considering all the email I get, and then writing, and just blehhh.**

**So there's that and then there's the fact that I've been experiencing some Writer's Block. (I HATE IT)**

**But, I have been working on a chapter of Finding The Light In The Black, and it's almost done, and it's also the last chapter… Which I totally wasn't planning on; I had no clue when I was ending the story. But yeah… One or two more chapters for that and I'm done!**

**I've been working on Guilt Ridden and Love Lost the most, but I'm at the hard part now, where I have to do a lot of stuff, mostly character development stuff that involves ideas I don't have, before I can get to my main plot. So that's just difficult… Cause I wanna write GOOD chapters and not fillers.**

**And then Weirder Than Fiction is hardly ever updated. I apologise.**

**Ashleigh and I do have some The Truth Behind The Stories chapters waiting….But do you know how hard it is to compile them? DO YOU!? Haha…. Anyway…. I think that's all the stories I have.**

**So yeah…. I want to try to update before November, because November is National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo) and I need to focus on that A LOT.**

**But I don't know.**

**So, I'm really really really sorry for my lack of updates and lack of brain (my brain is on auction for Kellan's hat, so that's why) and this state of no updates is going to continue for longer than I would like it to. I am so sorry. Just know that I haven't abandoned my fics. Not at all!**

**Again, sorry. I'll work when I can and as much as I can. Forgive me please and don't hate me!**

**(:**


	25. OMFG IT'S A ZOO!

**FINALLY! A chapter!! Sorry for the severe lack in updates! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own a turtle, a moose, a penguin, an Eskimo, a llama, a duck, or Twilight. I own some coffee though. How lame is that?**

**Bella's POV**

Whenever I spend the night at the Cullens', I have to bring a secret stash of coffee for the morning, because the Cullens don't drink coffee and Edward doesn't let me. So that's exactly what I did.

I woke up and got out my secret stash of coffee, drinking it quickly before Edward could come upstairs and wish me good morning. The coffee kicked in immediately and I ran downstairs to Edward.

"Edward!" I cried out in a sing-song voice. "I have a joke for y-" And I tripped on the stairs, but grabbed the banister and regained my balance. I blinked, shook my head and continued down the perilous steps, this time more carefully.

After completing my descent with no further catastrophes, I launched myself into Edward's lap and giggled.

He smiled and wrapped his finger around a lock of my hair. "A joke?"

I laughed. "Yes."

"Well it can't be as good as any of mine, Bella, but give it a shot," Emmett teased from the couch.

"Okay," I smiled and cleared my throat.

"If you take the SKIS away from an ESKIMO, what happens? He becomes EMO!" I burst out laughing, even going so far as to slap my knee.

When I realised that everyone else was silent, I stopped.

"What? Do you not get it? See, Eskimo-"

"We got it, Bella." Emmett interrupted me with a strained voice.

I looked at him with confusion. "What's wrong?"

"That just wasn't funny." He looked to be on the edge of laughter, but also annoyed.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Because you didn't get it?"

"Oh, I got it. It just blew."

"Well, excuse me! Let's hear what you've got!"

He smirked. "Gladly."

Emmett started to stand up, probably aiming for a whole stand-up comedy routine, but Edward interrupted him.

"I swear Emmett, if you tell her that joke I will make it come true for you until you no longer find it funny." His voice was full of menace. It was so hot!

Emmett blinked a few times then sat down, mumbling to himself and glaring at Edward.

Edward glared back. The two of them sat in a glaring contest until I could take it no more.

"YOUR MAMA'S LLAMA!" I burst out.

Edward's eyes flew to me. "Bella?" He asked with concern as his brows furrowed in confusion. Haha, say that ten times fast.

"YO MAMA'S LLAMA'S FACE!" Emmett announced in a total homie-gee voice before crying out "Oh! Burn!" as if he had won. Psshh. Well, I played along.

I shook my finger and made a sizzling sound. "I need some aloe for that burn!"

Emmett rolled his eyes.

"You know that was funny."

Suddenly Emmett's eyes went wide. "LOOK! It's a moose!"

I turned my head around. "Where?!"

"In your pants!" He said in his 'Oo you just got burnt' voice.

"Aah! RAPE!" I screeched to play along. Edward tensed up at the mention of it, but Emmett started laughing.

"A rapist moose! That's utterly ridiculous!"

"So's your face," I shot back at him and stuck my tongue out.

Emmett threw himself off the couch and started rolling around in laughter.

When he had calmed down, I made a serious face and whispered to him.

"Hey Emmett."

"What Bella?"

I suppressed a smile, trying hard to keep my face serious. "Feel the turtle." I bit my lip to keep from laughing and watched his reaction.

Several things flashed across his face before he finally settled on one. I thought he was going to laugh, but instead he stared at me like I had four heads.

"Holy frick? Feel the… What the duck?"

I laughed. "I don't know. It has something to do with the Terrapins. Fear the turtle, and all that."

Emmett suddenly made his face serious. "Hey Bella," he whispered.

"What, Emmett?" I totally didn't realise that he was using my same trick.

"Feel the turtle within you." His eyes bore into mine seriously. I blinked, processed his words, and started laughing.

"Oh my gosh, Emmett. What the duck? A rapist turtle now, too?" I was shaking from laughter.

Emmett tilted his head. "I hadn't thought of it like that. Good one, Bells."

I blushed. Now Edward thought I was perverted or something. I truly thought that's what Emmett meant. I mean, who wouldn't? It was just so… Emmett.

"Oh, go eat a penguin, Emmett!" I turned to Edward, who smiled at our joke. What happened next was totally unexpected.

"OMFG! IT'S A ZOO!" Emmett screamed his head off before launching into laughter again.

Edward and I turned our heads to Emmett with alarm.

"Did you just say-" Edward started.

"Ohh Emm Eff Gee?" I finished.

Emmett stopped laughing and looked at us. "Yeah, why?"

A moment of silence followed before I giggled. "Because that's not how you're supposed to say it, Emmett! You sound like some preppy girl."

He frowned. "That's how it's spelled, Bella. Ohh-Emm-Eff-Gee."

I cackled. "No! Don't say it again!" I waved my hand in the air and clutched my stomach, laughing hard.

He growled lightly. "And how would you say it?" He glared at me.

"Uh, like a word! Duh! Oomph-guh!"

He stared at me. "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Oh, like 'Ohh Emm Eff Gee' is so much better?!" I retorted.

"Yes!" he shot back.

"How about saying what it means? Oh my fricking gosh?"

"That takes too long. That's why it's hyphenated."

"You mean abbreviated?"

"Whatever, Bella."

We turned away from each other and crossed our arms then turned our hands back and stuck our tongues out at each other.

"Baby," he teased me, but I refused to take the bait. I had been sitting in Edward's lap the entire time and I hadn't even given him a good morning kiss!?

I turned to Edward and wrapped my arms around his neck. He grinned and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Oh, do I exist?" He kept his tone light and teasing.

I rolled my eyes at him and kissed him gently. "Good morning."

"Good morning. Would you like some breakfast?"

"Not right now." I remembered to breathe as I stared into his eyes.

"What would you like then?"

"Hmm," I pretended to consider it before bringing my mouth to his again.

"Oh, yuck," Emmett tittered from across the room. Edward and I ignored him, a task easily done when we were so wrapped up in each other's lips.

Of course, Edward pulled away after awhile.

"So, what was with the random jokes?"

I shrugged. "I don't know… I just woke up in a good mood I guess." Haha! Right.

Edward and Emmett exchanged a brief glance.

"You know, Bella… You're really funny when you're jacked up on coffee." Edward said conversationally. I froze.

OMFG HOW DID HE KNOW?!!?

**Bhaha. The End.  
M'kay, so I won't be updating during the month of November because I am participating in NaNoWriMo! Sorry. Please review anyway.**

_Thanks go to my beta, .writing who beta-ed this chapter, thought it was funny, and is doing NaNoWriMo also! So give a big YAY to Mrs. Ashleigh Lutz!!!!!!_


	26. Merry Christmas

**Merry Christmas Ashleigh!**

**I don't own Twilight, or the character of Ashleigh. I don't own Kads because that is the nickname Ashleigh gave to the name that I DO own which is Kadalea. Wow, that made no sense….**

**Bella's POV**

"ROSEEEEE! Don't do that to me!" Emmett whined.

"Then don't say that again." Her tone was sharp.

"He really does look like he got laid, though, I mean—" Emmett stopped speaking as he saw the look on Rose's face. Apparently she was not kidding when she said if he mentioned it again, he would never know what it was like again. Poor Emmett, haha.

Suddenly, the front door to the Cullens house flew open and a high-pitched scream pierced the air. I covered my ears with a wince and looked at Edward to see what was going on. Then a flash of blonde hair flew past me and attacked Emmett with a hug. His face was quizzical. Rose snatched the girl away with a growl. Suddenly the girl looked up at Emmett.

"Ew, you don't look like Kellan." She grimaced and started rubbing her clothes where she had hugged Emmett, brushing all traces of his contact off. I stifled a giggle.

"Who is Kellan?" Emmett looked upset at the fact that she had said 'ew.'

"Kellan. Kellan Lutz. My future husband." She got a dreamy look on her face and then returned to the present. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's face twist in disgust.

"He plays you in the film. Oh, pardon me, my name is Ashleigh." Ashleigh? What the duck? I thought she looked familiar.

"Aren't you from Guilt Ridden and Love Lost?" She turned and looked at me with a blink,

"What? Oh, yeah. No, the Ashleigh with Daniel was based on me, but I'm not her. She's very much like me though, except I'm not a vampire. And I don't want Daniel because I want Kellan. But you know, that's how it goes." What the frell was she talking about?

"Excuse me, but did you escape from a mental institution by any chance?" Oops, did I really ask that out loud?

Ashleigh giggled hysterically. "No." She walked into the kitchen and came out holding a package of crackers.

"Yum. I thought I smelled these. Crackers are the heart of my soul and the soul of my heart, you know. Crackers and double deckers." She smiled and munched on a cracker.

"Double deckers? You eat metal buses?" Now I knew she really was from a mental institution.

"No, double deckers the chocolate. Don't look at me like that, I'm from the UK, we have different food. Speaking of, do you have crisp sandwiches here?"

"Crisp sandwiches?" I asked in confusion.

"You know, potato crisps? You call them chips. Put into bread, to make a sandwich."

"Um, ew."

Ashleigh gasped. "You are one deprived child."

"And you're crazy. Who do you think you are, coming in here and hugging Emmett and telling him he doesn't look like Kellan and then eating our food and ranting on insanely?"

She frowned. "I'll leave if you want." Esme quickly refused to let her with a 'no, no, darling, it's alright.'

"Just don't ever hug my Emmett again or you shall pay," Rosalie growled. Ashleigh rolled her eyes.

"What are you gonna do? Send Devin after me?" She scoffed.

"Who is Devin?" We all said, confused.

"Oh. Devin is a fourteen year old kid who likes to throw tree bark at my friend and shove fish into her face. He makes campfires in Canada, and giggles like a girl." We all stared at her, surely she was insane.

"And I'm not crazy either. Jeez, don't you have little inside jokes with your friends, too?"

"Of course we do. But here's the thing: Your friend isn't here, so no one gets your bloody jokes," Rose snapped.

"What the frell, Ashleigh?! Just leave me in the ducking car why don't you!!" A new voice yelled as the door slammed open again. Ashleigh turned to the voice.

"Kads, I tried to wake you up. It's not my fault you stayed up all bloody night long. Don't get your knickers in a twist, the Cullens are still here. But Emmett isn't lexy Kellan!" Ashleigh frowned and Kads laughed at her depressed expression.

"Now what were you saying about my friend not being here?" Ashleigh smirked at Rosalie. Rose glared at her, not happy about being proven wrong.

Suddenly Ashleigh squealed. "Kads! OMG Kads! They have crackers!" She started giggling hysterically.

"Hey, do they have pink highlighters? 'Cause now I can let you scribble all over my face." Kads smiled and Ashleigh started laughing even more. High-pitched squeaking sounded as the two girls laughed.

"YOU JUST SKEEKED!!!" Kads screamed at Ashleigh in the midst of the laughing and squeaking, causing Ashleigh to screech again.

"So'd you," Ashleigh managed to get out as Kads let out an even louder screech. All of the Cullens had their faces twisted in disgust and pain, some of them with their hands over their ears. I, too, grimaced in pain at the loud obnoxious sound coming from the girls' laughter. After what seemed like an eternity, even to me, they quieted down. I shot a look to Edward as if to say 'finally' and that made them start giggling again. My eye twitched of its own accord, but they didn't start the horrible squeaking again, thankfully.

"Ashleigh! What day is it?" Kads yelled suddenly.

"Uh, Friday. Why?"

"Duck it!!! We're missing Johnny!" Her eyes widened.

"That's ok, he's stupid anyway."

"Nuh uh! He's cute. But he likes that stupid Liane. I mean, seriously, did she get botox in the lips or something?"

"Botox?" Ashleigh looked at Kads as if she was crazy.

"The lip injections, whatever to make her look like Angelina Jolie.?" She explained.

"Oh," Ashleigh nodded. "I think they're natural."

"Ew."

Their odd conversation ceased and they look around the living room, taking everything in.

"Hey, Bella?" Kads spoke to me suddenly with an evil glint in her eye.

"Uh, yes?" I winced, wondering why I had chosen to answer her. These girls were seriously creepy. Why hadn't we thrown them out yet? Oh yeah, cause we're nice. And there's no mental institutions near her.

She threw a look at Ashleigh before turning to me and asking innocently, "Is Mike on speed?" Every person in the house blinked at the same time, dumbfounded. Then Ashleigh burst out laughing.

"Kads, I can not believe you just asked that!"

She giggled. "You're the one who said it."

"Oh, great. Get _me_ in trouble for accusing one of Bella's many suitors of being hooked on drugs. Nice one, Kads." Ashleigh received a giddy I-know-I-got-you-in-trouble laugh from Kads. I rolled my eyes. If I thought Jessica and Lauren were bad, these girls were seriously juvenile. Why were they even here? And why would the Cullens allowing this insanity?

"Do you guys have any coffee? Stupid question, nevermind."

Esme spoke up, always eager to please her guests. "We actually do, yes. Would you like me to make you some?" Edward widened his eyes at Esme and shook his head subtly. We were afraid what these girls would be like once they had caffeine.

"Oh, Esme, that's very kind of you, thank you. But I think we've been outvoted. Seems like the vampires don't think giving us caffeine is a good idea." They giggled at each other and gave us all pointed looks. They looked amused, though.

Esme looked at us as if to tell us to be nice.

"You'll have to excuse them. We're not very used to having humans in our home, and we've never had humans with such…energy." I snorted. Energy was a polite way of putting it.

Kads gasped. "We're not… I mean, is Jasper ok? I wouldn't want to be causing any trouble at all—"

"No, no, dear." Esme cut off Kads' worrying. "Jasper is fine. We've all just recently hunted, so you don't have to worry. You are safe." Esme smiled.

Kads smiled back, but she shook her head and spoke. "I wasn't worrying about us, of course. I just don't want to be causing Jasper any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all, ma'am." Jasper strolled over to Kads, exaggerating his Southern drawl. He stood in the middle of Kads and Ashleigh and smiled at them. Ashleigh giggled and started to fall back, but grabbed Jasper's arm to regain her balance.

"Oopsie daisy," she said, dazed. Kads just stood there, staring at Jasper with an open mouth. Drool rolled down her chin and a drop landed on the floor. Jasper's smile widened immensely, and a goofy look spread across his face. I stared at them all in confusion, then glanced over at Alice who seemed to be watching them closely, waiting for anything to go wrong. She looked a bit jealous.

"He's just happy because they're happy, Alice." Edward murmured softly to her. She nodded absently, still watching them intently. And that's when I noticed that Ashleigh's hand was still on Jasper's arm from when she rebalanced herself. Ashleigh seemed to notice it at the same time, because she looked down at her hand and stared, much like Kads was staring at Jasper's face.

"Oh!" She said suddenly and removed her hand, almost with vampire speed. The force of it, and the fact that she no longer had anything to keep her balance, knocked her to the ground. Oddly enough, Kads' knees buckled and she fell down at the exact same time. They both landed on the floor with a soft thud. Barely a second had passed before they started giggling hysterically.

"Kads, he said—"

"And did you hear--?"

"But the way he—"

"I know. And the drool--?"

"My arm!"

"… Sooo cool!"

Their words got jumbled in the midst of their giggles, but each time they spoke, a new laughter came out; a more joyous laughter, close the squeaking from earlier.

Jasper suddenly looked at the air next to him in confusion, then he looked down and notice the girls laying on the floor. He sat down in between them and slowly stretched out to lay down. We all stared at him as if he was crazy.

He looked at Kads and Ashleigh, one after another, a few times before letting a giggle of his own escape.

"I love you guys," he said with a goofy grin on his face as he looked up at the ceiling in pure euphoria. Ashleigh and Kads' giggles stopped suddenly. They stared at each other with wide eyes and then gaped at him.

"What did you—"

"Did he just--?"

"Oh my gosh—"

"He actually said—"

"EEEEEEE!" They squealed together. Suddenly their arms started flailing around in front of their faces as they hyperventilated. And they continued 'discussing' what Jasper just said, but those sentences were so broken off that I couldn't understand them. They were very excited and happy. Definitely teenage fan girl-ish.

Alice growled lightly. "Why does my husband have to be an empath?" She rolled her eyes and walked over to the group. She grabbed Jasper's arm and pulled him to his feet, breaking him out of his trance.

"Wha, what? Alice? No! I… They're fun." He threw a glance back to Kads and Ashleigh as Alice continued to drag him away. Once they got to the steps, the emotions of the girls wore off of Jasper and he looked at Alice with a guilty expression.

"Sorry. I—"

"No, I know." Alice cut him off and smiled. They looked at each other with gooey expressions, causing me to turn away with a light shudder. Edward laughed softly and wrapped his arm around my waist. Now it was my turn to smile goofily.

"So addictive…" Jasper glanced at Kads and Ashleigh longingly before Alice dragged him up the steps. Once he got to the third step, he forgot about Kads and Ashleigh's emotions and picked up on Alice's. He ran the rest of the way upstairs.

Meanwhile, Ashleigh and Kads seemed to finally notice that he was gone. They looked at the space around them.

"Wha—where?" Ashleigh nudged Kads and nodded towards the steps, just in time for her to see Jasper's feet disappear and hear a door slam. They looked at each other with a smile and broke out in giggles.

"_Oh_." Kads exclaimed the discovery.

"Yeah." Ashleigh giggled again.

Kads sighed. "I wish_ I_ had a hot vampire husband to spend eternity with." Ashleigh whacked Kads on the arm.

"Eww. I can not believe you just said that."

"Well, don't you wish you had your own Emmett or Jasper or Edward?"

"Yes, but—"

"That's all I said." Kads smirked.

"But you were implying—"

"Hahahahahaha! Well, you know you wish that too." Kads winked at Ashleigh and laughed.

"Eew I do not!' Ashleigh swatted Kads' shoulder again and turned red. Kads just continued laughing. When she stopped, she looked at Ashleigh with a smile. Ashleigh rolled her eyes and smiled back, then nodded slightly. Kads giggled once and nodded in agreement.

Ashleigh looked up at us suddenly. "Oh. Hi." Kads made a sort of gasping-snort noise and they laughed at their own stupidity. It actually was quite amusing. Annoying, of course, but amusing. The rest of the Cullens seemed to be amused, too. Except Edward, he was staring at them and grimacing. I wondered why, but then I realised he was probably reading their minds and I knew that I didn't want to know. They were probably imagining unclothed male vampires mud wrestling or something. Dirty.

"Oh…. My…. GoshisthatwhatIthinkitis?!" Ashleigh squealed and ran over to the coffee table. She picked up Emmett's hat and held it to her chest, grinning widely and staring at it excitedly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD THIS?!!? IT'S MINE!! I WANT IT!!! I NEED IT!!! KELLAN'S LEXY HAT!!!" Wow, I didn't know a human could yell that loudly.

Kads' eyes widened and she looked at Ashleigh.

"Is that his hat?!" Ashleigh nodded, still staring at the hat.

"OMG! You found his hat! You have to have it! It's Kellan's hat! You are in love with that hat!" Ashleigh ignored Kads and started stoking the hat. She was murmuring to it softly, but I couldn't tell what she was saying.

Ok, I'm beginning to get really creeped out by these girls. I looked over at Edward questioningly and he nodded, then looked at each of the Cullens subtly and nodded again. Seemed like everyone was sick of them, too. So we all went upstairs to let Esme kick them out, since she was the only one who could do it gently. (Of course I don't literally mean kick them out, I mean make sure they leave.)

Maybe once they're gone, we'll be able to enjoy Christmas. I hope they don't come around for any more holidays.

**I'm sorry, that was a horrible ending. I ran out of ideas. :(  
I had a good idea for a youtube video, but it wouldn't work. Sigh. This is the lamest Christmas present ever. My apologies, Ashleigh.**


End file.
